


When the World is Cold

by EmeraldCityDeanWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 10, Angst, Bunker Fic, Dancing, Fluff, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mark of Cain, Pining Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:45:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3426656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldCityDeanWinchester/pseuds/EmeraldCityDeanWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel was running out of time. </p><p>For the last several months, the angel had been living on borrowed time and grace, both of which were nearing their limit.  He had found himself in this situation before, only to be saved by the king of hell himself with the grace of his sister.  Angels were not meant to host one another’s grace, and he was no exception to the rule.</p><p>“This time will be different,” Castiel thought to himself.  “I will accept my fate.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel was running out of time.

For the last several months, the angel had been living on borrowed time and grace, both of which were nearing their limit. He had found himself in this situation before, only to be saved by the king of hell himself with the grace of his sister. Angels were not meant to host one another’s grace, and he was no exception to the rule.

 _“This time will be different,”_ Castiel thought to himself. _“I will accept my fate.”_

In recent days Castiel had begun to show increased signs of weakness. He first noticed when his knees buckled underneath him while on a hunt. Then, a nagging itch at the back of his throat that made itself known through periodic coughing fits. And most recently, blurred patches at the edge of his vision. He had postponed admitting defeat for as long as he could to focus on helping the Winchesters, but it was time to face his own problems.

Castiel was dying, and quickly.

The dim light of his own bedroom, one that the Winchester brothers graciously allowed him to use when he needed to stay at the bunker, helped ease the headaches he had felt when he arrived. The bed was soft and sturdy, not that Castiel had many others to compare, and the pillow formed itself around the shape of his skull.

Castiel couldn’t remember when he first started considering the body to be his. Before he was but a guest; nothing more than a driver in a vehicle owned by another. Now, with Jimmy Novak long gone, this body was completely his own. He used the feet to walk his own path, the eyes to gaze upon his own desires, and the hands to hold that which he cared for. His body had become his new true form, for it was the only form his closest companions knew him by.

The sound of a door closing across the hall caught Castiel’s attention. He looked up at his own bedroom door and sighed. Dean had retired to his room for the night, and Castiel knew that would be the best time to approach the hunter. The Mark of Cain had continued to affect Dean. He had shown signs of improvement over the last few weeks, but Castiel suspected much of that was due to the man attempting to hide all weakness from anyone who might pity him. Castiel thought that perhaps his friend would be calmer in the evening, and would be more willing to listen to Castiel’s own crisis.

Castiel stood from his bed and smoothed out the blankets with open palms before turning to leave the room. He grabbed the doorknob lightly with the ends of his fingers and twisted it carefully to avoid as much noise as possible. He knew that Sam was likely already asleep, and it would be easier to have the conversation with Dean alone.

Once he was in the hall, Castiel saw warm light spilling out from under Dean’s bedroom door. He had only been in Dean’s bedroom once before, but he remembered that it smelled like Dean - earthy smells of leather and whiskey mixed with Dean’s softer side of cologne and wool blankets. Castiel smiled at the memory as he lightly knocked twice on the door.

“Not tonight Sammy. Not in the mood.” Dean mumbled from the other side of the door.

“It’s me Dean. Castiel,” he replied, hoping that his friend would at least give him a few minutes to talk.

Dean sighed, and then went silent. After a few moments, he spoke up. “You should go back to bed Cas,” he said, before lowering his voice to a near whisper. “It’s late.”

Castiel opened the door, stepped in and closed it behind him as quietly as he could. When he looked up he saw Dean sitting on his bed, gaze locked on his forearm. He had one hand gripped tight over the spot where Castiel knew the mark was hidden. Dean didn’t even look up at Castiel, but instead kept his focus on the mark beneath his hand.

“Look man, I know we haven’t had much time to talk lately, but this really isn’t a good night. You should go to sleep,” Dean said, still keeping his head lowered. His body was tense and his shoulders stiff. Castiel took two steps further towards him.

“I’m sorry to inconvenience you Dean, but this may be the only night for this,” Castiel said calmly, keeping his hands at his sides. “It’s an emergency.”

“Oh yeah? What the hell is such an emergency that you just learned about it in the hour since we saw you in the library? As far as I know all you’ve been doing is taking a fucking cat nap,” Dean said, anger evident in his voice, rising with every word. “Please don’t tell me it’s more goddamn angel shit because I really can’t deal with that right now.”

Castiel tilted his head slightly. “Well, it is related to angels yes, but-“

“God damnit!” Dean yelled, interrupting Castiel. Dean looked up from his arm and gave Castiel a hard stare. “When you say emergency, I thought you knew what the word meant Cas,” he continued, raising his voice while his grip on his arm tightened even further. “Whatever fucking problem your winged douchebag brothers and sisters have come up with now can wait until the fucking morning, okay?”

Castiel took a step backwards. He was startled by Dean’s anger, and while he knew that it was most likely caused by the mark, he also knew that he might not have another chance to tell Dean everything he needed to.

“Dean, please, if you’ll just listen to me,” Castiel said.

Dean lowered his head back down towards the ground. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper.

“Cas. Leave, now. Please.”

Castiel shook his head. “Dean, I have to insist-“ Castiel started.

“LEAVE. NOW.” Dean growled, cutting Castiel off again.

Castiel sighed, studied Dean for a moment longer than necessary, and left Dean’s room without another word. When he reached for the doorknob to his own room, he noticed Sam leaning out of his own doorway.

“Everything okay Cas?” he asked, genuine concern showing on his face.

“Yes Sam, go back to sleep,” Castiel said, smiling softly at his friend before entering the bedroom and shutting the door. He leaned his head back against the solid wood and closed his eyes. His room smelled nothing like Dean’s; it was the smells of fresh laundry and dust, those of a room belonging to a guest rather than someone who truly lived there.

Castiel opened his eyes and walked slowly towards the desk in the corner. He slid open the drawer and pulled out one sheet of paper and a blue ball point pen.

If Dean would not talk with Castiel, he decided a letter could speak for him. Pulling the old chair out, scratching the hard floor beneath it, Castiel sat down and began to write.

_Dear Dean,_

_I’m sorry._

_I know you’ve told me before to stop saying so, but I don’t know of a more concise way to express the general way I feel. I’m writing this only moments after you sent me from your room. I know the anger you’re feeling is a side effect of the mark, but I only wish you would let me help._

_Regardless, you and I both have a horrible habit of not communicating with one another. I respect your need for space, but since this may be my last chance, I need to be sure that this message reaches you in some way._

_I’m dying Dean. The grace inside me belonged to a sister of mine, and it is nearly gone. When it depletes, it will burn me up from within. I’ve only seen this happen once, and while the light it emits could be considered beautiful, the resulting explosion could level the entire bunker. This is why I must leave tonight. The grace should be gone within a few days, and I need to go to a secluded place to cause as little collateral damage as possible. It’s rather poetic actually, the place I have chosen. For me, my life on earth will end where it truly began._

_This next part is difficult for me to put into words. It’s something I don’t think you would approve of. Maybe in another lifetime, another version of us, but I suppose we’ll never know. And who knows, maybe every universe wishes it was slightly different and true happiness is an illusion. Whatever the truth may be, I choose to believe that somewhere there is a version of myself who told another version of yourself how he really felt before it was too late._

_But maybe, for us, it will always take final moments and the imminence of death to force us into realization._

_That realization being, of course, that I am in love with you, Dean Winchester._

_I know that I am being unfair. Telling you this in a letter, days before I will perish. But in all honesty, I have kept it from you to save you the inconvenience. I never told you this before, but I watched you the year that you lived in domesticity. You were happy, and it was then I realized that I could never give that to you. You deserve happiness Dean, no matter how much you deny it._

_I do not know what will happen to me when I die. I do not think God will bring me back this time, and I’m not even sure I would deserve it if he did. Most likely, I will cease to exist completely. Whatever happens to me, know that the love I have for you will exist for all eternity. You are the kindest, bravest, and strongest soul I have ever known. You can beat the mark, this I know to be true. Sam and Charlie are going to help, and together the three of you will defeat this. You stopped the apocalypse. A demonic brand cannot stop the fabled Winchester brothers. I wish that I could help further, but my story ends now._

_Somehow, I expected my death to be something grander in scale. The angel who rebelled against his brothers and sisters over and over again. The angel that lead an army to stop them. The angel that tried to play God. I thought my death would be something dramatic, God knows I deserve it. But maybe that’s the true beauty in it- I gave up everything I was for one man, only to die in the middle of nowhere alone._

_When Hannah and I were traveling together, she asked me an interesting question. She asked if I could do it all over again, would I make the same choices. I told her that I would do some things differently. The leviathans, the deal with Crowley, and the deaths of so many of our brothers and sisters._

_But overall, my decision to rebel and fall all in the name of one Dean Winchester? I will never regret that decision. No matter what the future holds for us, I will burn away with my final thoughts being of how much I loved you._

_I have very little possessions to leave you, but then I remembered a time when you kept my coat with you. Perhaps that longing, and you holding on to that coat, is what brought me back. Either way, I’m leaving you my coat. Take care of it, I’m rather fond of it._

_I have one final thing to ask of you Dean. Above all else, I need you to forgive yourself. I know this is difficult for you, but nothing pains me more than seeing your own self-hatred. Love yourself. Do this for me, for Sam, for Charlie, for Kevin, for Jody, for Bobby, for your mother, and for everyone else who ever has and ever will love you. You are worthy of that love Dean, and you always have been._

_I’m leaving tonight, so as not to inconvenience you and Sam any more than I already have. Tell Sam that I will miss him. He has always been kind to me, and I consider him one of my closest friends._

_With that, I will now say my goodbye. You will always be a hero to me Dean, and so many others. And if whatever existence waits for me after death allows me to watch over you, I will do so for as long as I am permitted. Always know this Dean, angels are watching over you. Now and forever._

_Eternally yours,_

_Castiel_

Castiel folded the letter in half, and set it on the desk. He stood up from the chair, and pulled his coat off one arm at a time. The coat had become almost a part of him, as much as the body had as well. Castiel set the folded coat upon the bed, and then placed the letter on top of the coat. He knew when he did not show for breakfast in the morning, Dean would go to his room to find him.

Castiel took one last look around the room. It never really belonged to him, but there were many dreams Castiel had of a room he was welcome to live in, in that other universe. One that he decorated with colors and things he liked. One that he shared with Dean, and the two would spend lazy mornings wrapped around one another without an apocalypse or threat to the world waiting for them. Castiel hoped that the other Dean and Castiel in the other universe knew how lucky they were.

Castiel grabbed the keys to his stolen car, smiled, and left the room. He did not hear any noise from Dean or Sam’s rooms, but he still treaded carefully through the bunker. He did not need the Winchesters to follow him, and leaving in the middle of the night would give him extra time to gain some distance in case they did choose to follow.

When he reached the bunker door, he turned around for one last look. The soft glow of the library’s lamps and the low hum of the computers comforted Castiel. This was the closest thing to home he had ever known, mostly because it was home for the only true family he had.

“Goodbye my friends. Be safe,” Castiel said, sighing as he stepped out of the bunker and into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to post some writings up here for quite some time, and I'm only now getting around to doing so. There are some stories I really want to tell with Dean and Cas (and other characters from other works eventually as well) but this is my trial run. I don't know how many chapters there will be yet, but expect each chapter to switch off between Cas and Dean's perspective.
> 
> These two dumbasses mean a lot to me, especially the character of Dean. Without going into too much detail, watching this show and reading about the fan interpretation of bi!Dean really helped me come to terms with my own bisexuality as a dude who previously didn't know what he was or where he belonged. I only hope the things I write about Cas and Dean can give back a little to what their stories meant to me.
> 
> I'm going on vacation for a week immediately following the posting of this first chapter, but hopefully I will get back to writing the second installment as soon as I get back.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean Winchester was running out of time.

 

The Mark of Cain had been a means to an end, but Dean had recently become aware just how quickly his end might be coming for him.  The Mark of Cain spoke to him and commanded him in a language he didn’t speak.  It filled him with anger; the mark turned him into a beast with an endless need to kill and feed.  It brought him back from the brief freedom death had provided, and returned him to the earth as the very monster he devoted his life to hunting.  Now, even though his physical body is no longer demonic in nature, he sometimes cannot tell the difference.

 

Dean Winchester knew that the Mark of Cain needed to be dealt with, but he did not know how.

 

Dean pulled back the covers on his bed, and slid out from underneath them.  He grabbed a pair of pajamas from the floor, probably the same pair he had worn the day before, and threw on an old t-shirt.  When he opened his bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway, his eyes stopped on Castiel’s room.

 

Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face.  He had been an asshole, and knew he would need to apologize to Cas.  Dean had been having a rough night with the mark, but Cas deserves his help, and Dean should have taken the word ‘emergency’ a little more seriously.

 

He made a quick stop at the bathroom to take a piss and check his face in the mirror.  It looked more and more like a ghost each day, almost something unrecognizable.  Dean thought that if he saw someone else who looked the way he did, he might think the person was on their death bed.  Maybe that was closer to the truth than he'd like to admit.

 

Dean made his way to the bunker’s kitchen.  He could start his apology to Cas by making him breakfast, and he knew neither Cas or Sam would be up for at least another fifteen minutes.  Dean turned on the stove and pulled out a pan from the cabinet.  He grabbed some bacon and eggs from the fridge and got to work on the best breakfast he knew how to make.  Cas and Sam were both awful at cooking, so anything Dean threw together for them was like a five star meal.  While the bacon started to sizzle and cook, Dean turned to the coffee machine and replaced the filter.  He then turned it on, knowing that the smell of fresh coffee would get Cas out of bed faster than normal.

 

“Woah, what’s going on? Is today a holiday?” Sam asked, apparently having entered the kitchen. 

 

Dean turned to see his younger brother walk in and sit at the kitchen table, still in a sleep induced daze.  Dean filled a quick mug with coffee and set it in front of Sam.

 

“Nah, just thought I’d treat you guys to a nice breakfast this morning” Dean said, returning to the stove to check the bacon and eggs.

 

Sam lifted the mug, blew on the coffee lightly, and took a sip.

 

“Is this about the fight you and Cas had last night?” Sam asked, attention still focused on his coffee.

 

Dean stilled for a moment, and his back tensed.

 

“You heard that?” Dean asked, pulling out strips of bacon and placing them on a plate, folding a paper towel over the top.

 

“Dean, you literally yelled.  You and I have trained for years to be on alert when sleeping.  It’s not something I can turn off very easily” Sam said, rolling his eyes at Dean.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that man,” Dean said, bringing the food over from the stove to the table.  “And yeah, maybe this is sort of about that” Dean added, mumbling slightly.

 

“Just be careful Dean.  I know the mark is a big deal right now, but Cas is going through a lot of crap too” Sam said before taking a bite of eggs.

 

“I know, Sam” Dean said softly.  “Speaking of which, usually the smell of coffee gets that guy up and out of bed by now.”

 

“Hmm, good point” Sam added in between bites of his breakfast.

 

“I’m gonna go get him up before his breakfast gets cold” Dean said, moving towards the hallway.  He rounded the corner, and noted that the coffee smell was definitely strong enough to reach Cas’ bedroom.  He grabbed the doorknob to the room, but stopped before turning it.

 

It occurred to Dean that he had never actually been inside of Castiel’s bedroom.  Cas only used it on occasion when he needed to stay the night at the bunker, but Dean couldn’t quite figure out why he had never even seen the inside.  _Did Cas decorate it?  Is it messy or neat?  Does it smell like Cas?_

 

Dean shook his head and collected his thoughts.  He knocked lightly before inching the door open.

 

“Hey Cas, buddy, are you awake? I made breakfast for you and I thought we could talk abou-” Dean’s words died on his tongue as soon as the door was open wide enough for him to get a good look inside.  Dean found the room to be completely empty and plain.  If Dean didn’t know better, he would have thought he had opened the wrong door.  The only sign of Castiel was his folded coat laying on the bed, and a small hand written note on top of it.

 

Dean slowly approached the bed, and looked around the room for any other signs of his friend.  He ran his hand over the coat, and then picked up the note.  Dean unfolded the piece of paper and sat down on the bed as soon as he realized it was a letter from Cas.

 

His eyes scanned the document carefully, widening as he read further and further.  The words shot from his eyes to his brain, but processing them was proving to be more difficult. 

 

_“I’m dying Dean.”_

_“For me, my life on earth will end where it truly began.”_

_“That realization being, of course, that I am in love with you, Dean Winchester.”_

_“You deserve happiness Dean, no matter how much you deny it.”_

_“I gave up everthing I was for one man, only to die in the middle of nowhere alone.”_

_“I will burn away with my final thoughts being of how much I loved you.”_

_“You are worthy of that love Dean, and you always have been.”_

_“Eternally yours, Castiel.”_

Dean’s mind shut down completely.  One letter had taken everything he thought he knew about his best friend, turned it upside down, and then pulled it out of his reach.  Dean could feel the slight burn of tears threatening to escape, so he closed his eyes and tried to focus.  Taking deep breaths, he then realized that he could no longer see the words on the page and opened his eyes again.  The tears began to fall slowly as he read the letter once more.  His eyes fell on one line, and stayed there.

 

_“I will burn away with my final thoughts being of how much I loved you.”_

“No…” Dean whispered to himself, tightening his grip on the paper.  “This isn’t fair you fucking asshole!”

 

Dean stood up and began pacing around the room.  His thoughts raced through all of the problems now laid out before him, as he tried to make sense of how to proceed.

 

 _“Cas is dying. Shit-god-damn-fucking-hell. Cas is gonna die and he will never know how I feel”_ Dean thought to himself, his breathing getting faster.  _“That asshole, my best friend, is in l- he lov- he loves me. And I…”_

“Fuck! I have to tell him” Dean said aloud, eyes narrowed with renewed purpose.  Dean had a goal now, and that was how he was going to focus his attention.

 

Sam was always the brainiac, he could recite facts and knowledge better than any textbook or internet search engine.  Castiel was the tactician, his plans and strategies surpassed those of any other leader known to man.  Dean was the action man, give him a difficult task and watch him get it done, no matter the cost.

 

Dean grabbed Castiel’s coat and tucked it under his arm.  He surveyed the room one last time for any other clues, and when he found nothing, marched back down the hall and into the kitchen.  When he entered the room, he found Sam was on the phone and writing things down on a notepad.

 

“Sam. It’s an emergency” Dean said, tension in his voice.  He briefly noted how weirdly calm he was despite the circumstances.

 

“Hold on Dean, one sec” Sam replied, not turning to look at his brother.  “Yeah Charlie, I got it.  Blood of a crossroads demon?  Yeah I’m sure we’ve got it- no, don’t ask.  Yeah I’m sure we can find the rest of it and-”

 

“SAM!” Dean yelled, trying to get his brother’s full attention. 

 

Sam stopped what he was saying, and turned around to give Dean an irritated look.  When he saw what Dean was holding however, his face fell and his mouth opened. 

 

“Hey, Charlie?  I’ll call you right back okay?” Sam said into phone quickly before ending the call.  “Dean,” Sam spoke softly for his brother’s benefit, “Is that Cas’ coat?”

 

“Yeah, he’s gone.  He left his coat and…” Dean said, pausing while he debated showing Sam the letter.  In the end, he decided that it was past the point where he felt like hiding from his brother.  “He left this note too.”

 

Dean handed the letter to Sam, who gave Dean a confused look.  He carefully took the piece of paper, and unfolded it.  Sam was a much faster reader than Dean, so it didn’t take him long to finish it.  He made eye contact with Dean, without speaking for what felt like several minutes.  His eyes were wide in shock as he opened his mouth to finally speak.

 

“Dean this is…did you have any idea?  About any of this?” Sam asked, his voice soft and kind.

 

“No, I had no clue man.  If I had known he was this close to death, I would have picked up the fuckin’ pace and found him a cure already” Dean said, beginning to pace around the kitchen just as he had done in Castiel’s bedroom.

 

“And…the other part?” Sam asked, trying to make eye contact with his brother again.  “That’s a really… heavy confession he just made.”

 

Dean stopped moving.  He braced himself with one hand on the kitchen counter, while his other hand wound up in his hair absent-mindedly.  

 

“I know” Dean said, keeping his back to Sam.  He knew this would be easier if he didn’t have to face him.  “If I had known that he… felt that way.  I just never thought he was even capable of- I mean I’m the worst Sam!  I’m so far beneath him and we…all that time we wasted” Dean admitted, words falling out of his mouth before he could stop them.  “I have to go find him Sam.  He has to know, before he-” Dean stopped, shaking his head.

 

“I get it Dean, I do.  But where are you going to find him?  The place where his life truly began?  I’m not sure where-“

 

“Pontiac, Illinois.  Just outside of it, actually.  There’s an abandoned barn.  That’s where he’ll be” Dean interrupted, finally turning around to face his brother.

 

“Um.  Okay, Dean.  I won’t ask, but…I have to tell you man.  Charlie called just now, that was her I was talking to.  She found something.  A spell” Sam said.

 

“A spell?” Dean asked, looking at Sam warily.

 

“Yeah, she uh…she thinks there’s a good chance we could get rid of the Mark of Cain with it.  She found it in some old tome in Vatican City, she said not to ask, and I have to admit it sounds promising.  It’s an old spell that priests used to use to wash their body and soul of magical markings and scars.  From what Charlie told me so far, it sounds like it works by reverting your body and soul back to the way it was five years in the past.  It doesn’t affect your age, but rather rids you of any markings you have received since then.  She was in the middle of telling me the ingredients” Sam explained carefully, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

 

Dean knew that look and tone of voice.  Sam wasn’t completely convinced that the spell would actually work, but he was willing to try anything to save his brother.  Dean could relate.

 

“That’s great man, and we will try it as soon as I get back.  You and Charlie can work on gathering supplies while I find Cas and bring him home” Dean said, grabbing the letter from Sam’s hands and folding it back up.

 

“Are you sure you should be out there by yourself?  You told me last night that the mark has been louder than ever man” Sam said, worry showing in his face.

 

“Yeah, Sam, I’ll be fine.  Trust me.  It’s a lot quieter when I have something to do, something to work towards like this” Dean said, giving his brother a small smile meant to reassure him.

 

“Okay, but you need to keep me posted alright?  I mean constant updates.  Charlie and I will get this stuff together and be ready to perform that spell as soon as you get back, okay?” Sam said, standing from his chair.  He walked over towards Dean, and before Dean knew what was happening, pulled him into a strong hug.  “Be careful Dean.  Tell him goodbye for me” Sam said before releasing his grasp on his brother.

 

“He’s not gonna die Sam.  I’m gonna figure out a way to save him” Dean said gruffly.  He put the folded note inside his pocket.

 

“I know Dean, you- you always do, but just in case.  Okay?” Sam said, smiling softly.  “I gotta go call Charlie back.  She still has more ingredients to list off for me for the spell.  She’s hopping on a flight back tonight too, so she might even beat you back home.”

 

“Thanks Sam, seriously.  And tell Charlie thank you for me too.  After what I did to her, after everything that I’ve done the fact that both of you are still-”

 

“Shut up Dean.  Seriously.  You read what Cas said in that letter.  He’s right.  He might love you in a different way than Charlie and I, but we all love you and you deserve it okay?  So cut the crap and go save Cas.” Sam said, placing a hand on Dean’s arm as he spoke.

“Yeah, okay” Dean said and smiled.  “No crazy nerd parties while I’m gone though” Dean said before leaving the kitchen.  He headed towards his room to pack a bag.

 

“Says the guy who wants a Game of Thrones tattoo!” Sam yelled back at his brother.

 

Dean opened the door to his bedroom and grabbed a bag from underneath his bed.  He threw open the drawers to his dresser and began tossing as much clothing as he could into the bag.  He grabbed a few weapons, some supplies, and then carefully added Castiel’s trench coat before zipping it all up and swinging it over his shoulder. 

 

He quickly tried to dial Cas’ phone.  When it went straight to voicemail, Dean wasn’t surprised.  He ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket. 

 

When he looked up at his wall, he saw the array of photos he had recently pinned there.  There were old photos of him with his mother and father, some of him and Sam as kids, some of friends like Charlie and Jody, and then there was the most recently taken photo of him and Cas.  In it, Dean had one arm around Cas’ shoulder while holding the cell phone up with his other hand to take the picture.  Dean was trying to put on his best ‘tough guy’ face, while Cas wasn’t even looking at the camera.  Cas was looking at Dean with the warmest look on his face, and now that Dean had read Cas’ letter there was no mistaking what that look meant.

 

As Dean walked towards the bunker’s front door, he stopped when he saw Sam standing in the library.

 

“Hey Dean?  I know we are bad at this kind of stuff.  But you know I love you right?” Sam asked, arms crossed in front of him

 

“Yeah.  Yeah man, I know” Dean replied, nodding his head as he walked up the stairs.  Before opening the door, he looked back over his shoulder at his younger brother.

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Jerk” Sam replied, with a huge grin on his face. 

 

Things were far from being back to normal, but Dean thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so hard.  Maybe he could do this, with help.

 

Dean closed the bunker door behind him, and walked out towards the Impala.  Even with the bunker becoming more and more like a home to Dean, his car would always carry a piece of him with it, and the sight of the vehicle alone brought him happiness.  He opened the door and tossed his bag into the passenger seat before sitting down behind the wheel and gripping the leather.

 

He still had the Mark of Cain to worry about.  His death still loomed around every corner.  He still had all the guilt from his time as a demon.  He still had all of his self-hate festering below the surface.  But despite all of these things threatening to tear down the wall between him and insanity, he pressed forward with ease.  In fact, he was comforted.  Dean Winchester was in love, with a fallen angel who loved him in return.  And even though both of them were too stubborn and downright stupid to admit it until now, he knew that it was real.  It gave him purpose, and it gave him a renewed sense of self. 

 

Dean Winchester was going to save his dumbass angel’s life if it was the last thing he did.  He turned the key, put the Impala in drive and sped off towards the highway.  It was still early in the day, and even though Cas had a head start, Dean knew he would obey traffic laws and not go over the speed limit.  Dean could catch up easily, especially if he didn't stop for food or rest.

 

“You better fuckin’ wait for me Cas.  I’m not letting you go so easy this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Planned out the rest of the story, and I'm hoping to have it done in just six chapters. After that, I'm going to move on to a longer fanfic about these two. Hope you enjoy it.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel had been driving for what felt like an impossibly long distance.  He was still not accustomed to the human perception of time, and staring at the road for long periods was only worsening the experience.  While driving, Castiel was sure to pay close attention to the marked road signs indicating the maximum speed at which he should travel.  Human law enforcement declared those limits for a reason, and Castiel intended to respect them.

 

His stomach made itself known via a loud rumble, deep and angry.  He had tried to ignore his hunger, but the weaker his grace became, the faster he succumbed to the limitations of his nearly human body.  Castiel thought that perhaps he could stop at a restaurant or diner, one similar to the kind Dean and Sam usually enjoy.  At the very least, he deserved one final meal.

 

Pulling off the highway on the next exit, Castiel kept his eyes open for a place to eat.  Less than a mile from the exit, he came across a green building with a nearly empty parking lot.  The building had a sign just outside of it that read ‘Bobby’s American Diner’.  Castiel smiled to himself at the memories of his old friend, and pulled his car into the restaurant’s lot.  He parked and stepped out of the car, stretching his tired legs and back.  He took a deep breath, and looked up at the sky.  It was still early morning.  Dean would surely be awake by now, and was probably already trying to hunt down Castiel’s location.  He wondered if he should have even given Dean that small hint as to where he was headed.  Part of him hoped that Dean would be waiting there when he made it to the barn.  That somehow, despite all odds, Dean figured out the clue and rushed to meet him and confess his feelings as well.  The rational part of Castiel’s mind knew that this was impossible.  It was less than a day’s drive to the barn from the bunker, but even if Dean knew where he was going, Castiel had a head start of several hours.  Castiel thought this was probably for the better.

 

Opening the diner door and walking inside, Castiel took a brief moment to study the strange machine just inside the building.  It was one of those claw games where children tried to win stuffed animals by exchanging currency for attempts to operate the claw.  Dean told Castiel about these kinds of games at another diner similar to this one.  Even though Dean insisted they were rigged against the player, he still wanted to play until he won something.  When Castiel pointed out that Dean could buy a stuffed toy for less than he had spent playing the game, Dean was mildly irritated and only said, “Not the point, Cas.”

 

When he approached the front counter, he was greeted by a shorter woman in a colorful floral print shirt and tan pants.  Castiel suspected she was older than she seemed at first glance.  Her hair was slightly grayed at the top where her dye had begun to grow out and she had noticeable wrinkles around her eyes from smiling often.  Her nametag said ‘Helen’ on it, and Castiel smiled and nodded when he made eye contact with her.

 

“Hey there sweetheart, welcome to Bobby’s!  Lookin for some breakfast?  Because honey, you ain’t gonna find a better steak and eggs anywhere along that highway” she said, glowing with genuine pride in the restaurant.  Castiel could tell she wasn’t exaggerating or lying, as Dean said most humans do, but honestly believed in the words she spoke.

 

“Sounds perfect” Castiel replied, following the waitress to a table.  He slid into the booth and the seat beneath him let out an audible groan.  The restaurant and the furniture inside was old, but clearly well-loved if Helen was representative of the people who ran the place.  Helen set the menu on the table in front of Castiel and held another one in her arms.

 

“Is it just you today?” Helen asked casually.

 

Castiel reflected on those words.  He knew that she was asking purely for business purposes, but Castiel couldn’t help but reflect on how the question related to the rest of his existence.  He was alone today.  He had been alone possibly his entire life.  He was never truly a welcome member of the heavenly host.  Even when brought up as their leader, he was a symbol of rebellion, not someone who they wished to share companionship with.  Even with the Winchesters, he had always been just on the outside of their pieced-together family.  Dean was by far the closest that Castiel had ever been to truly feeling like he belonged, like he had someone who wanted to spend time with him without any motives behind it.  In the last year or so, however, that had changed.  Dean had become distant, and Castiel did as well in response. 

 

“Yes. Just me.”

 

“Alright, well did you want the steak and eggs?  I swear, they’re the best!” Helen said, almost singing the last few words.

 

“Sure.  It sounds delicious” Castiel said, smiling and handing the menu back to her.  “And a coffee as well please.”

 

“Coming right up sweeatheart!” Helen said, taking both menus and walking towards the kitchen to put in his order.  The diner was almost empty, so Castiel assumed it would not take long for his food to be ready.

 

As he waited, Castiel pulled out the contents of his pants pockets and placed them on the table top.  He had the keys to his car, his cellphone, a few pieces of the mint gum he likes, and a wad of cash.  He picked apart the bills and laid them flat out on table so that he could better count them.  He had a total of seventy-three dollars, which he assumed would be enough for the breakfast and coffee, although he had not thought to check before returning the menu.  Then, Helen brought back a small mug of coffee and set it down on the table before returning to the kitchen.  Castiel took a small sip.

 

He picked up his cellphone and tapped his finger on the edge as he thought about turning it on.  He had left it off in case Dean realized he was missing sooner than he thought, and would be able to track his location via the phone’s GPS.  By now, he figured it wouldn’t really matter if Dean knew his location.  He had been driving for some time, and he didn’t think Dean would be able to catch up.  He held down the power button and watched the screen light up.  The background was a picture of Dean sticking his tongue out at the camera.  Dean had taken Castiel’s phone and changed the background as a prank one day, and Castiel didn’t know how to change it back.  Although he knew that even if he did, he would leave it as it is.

 

Just as Castiel’s phone finished loading, a message popped up telling him that he had missed calls and voicemails.  Castiel’s jaw dropped slightly.  He had a total of forty-two missed calls and thirty-three voicemail messages.  All from Dean.  Most of them were short, only a few seconds long, but a number of them seemed to be full messages.

 

Castiel started with the first one and pressed play. He held the phone up to his ear and Dean’s voice sounded from the speaker, making Castiel feel warm.

 

_“Cas, pick up your phone man, come on. I’m on the road now.”_

_“Come on Cas, buddy, I need to talk to you.”_

_“Cas, pick up the phone damnit!  You can’t just leave me a letter like that and… not give me a chance to respond.  I…I need you, Cas.  Please don’t leave me again, man.  I don’t know if I can do this again, especially now.”_

_“Please…Cas. Where are you?”_

_“I’m on my way to that barn.  I’m guessing that’s what you meant in your letter.  ‘The place where your life truly began’? I sure as hell hope that’s what you meant.  Come on man, call me back.  We can figure it out.  I can save you, I know I can.”_

_“Cas…”_

_“I’m sorry for last night Cas.  I fucked up.  I’m so sorry. How can you honestly love someone like me?  I didn’t even…I never thought it possible.  And there are so many things I want to tell you.  Things I have to tell you.  And I can’t if you won’t answer.  Please, I’m begging you.  Cas, I lo-…no.  I’m telling you this in person.  I am gonna find you and we are gonna talk about this like adults.  No more stupid fucking last words and no more repressed feelings and all that bullshit.  I am gonna find you, I am gonna explain to you just how fucking important you are to me, and we are gonna go home.  And most importantly, you are not gonna die.  Do you hear me Cas?  Not on my watch man.”_

Castiel had tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he pulled the phone from his ear.  He could listen to the rest of the messages later, but right now he had to call Dean.  If what he heard was true, it sounded like Dean felt the same way that Cas did.  Castiel frantically tapped the call icon next to Dean’s name and returned the phone to his ear.  He could not contain his smile, and the tears were beginning to spill. 

 

The phone rang once before going straight to Dean’s voicemail.  Castiel’s face fell.

 

_“Hey this is Dean. If this is Cas, remember to wait until after the beep before you start talking.  Otherwise, you know the drill.”_

After the beep played in his ear, Castiel started talking without even realizing what he was saying.

 

“Dean I am so sorry!  I can’t believe I missed all of your calls.  I’m leaving my phone on now I promise, so please call me back.  I’m heading to the barn too; I should have known you would figure it out.  I stopped to eat but I’m going to leave now so that I can-“

 

Castiel’s message was cut off suddenly by a coughing fit.  He grabbed at his chest with his fist and grabbed the fabric of his shirt tight.  When the coughing subsided, he took a deep shaky breath and put the phone back to his face.

 

“I don’t know how much time I have left Dean.  If you can make it to the barn before I…before it is over, I will consider myself a lucky man.  If not, I am still blessed to have known you for the time that I did.  I love you Dean.  I hope I see you soon” Castiel finished the message and ended the call.  He grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and rubbed it at the corners of his eyes. 

 

Helen returned to the table with Castiel’s breakfast in her hands, and when she got close enough to see his face, her smile faded and her face twisted into one of concern.

 

“Honey, is everything alright?  What brought on the waterworks?” Helen asked, placing the plate on the table and kneeling down to Castiel’s level.

 

Castiel turned towards her and gave Helen a smile that he hoped was friendly and not unnerving. 

 

“Just received a phone call with some troubling news.  Thank you for your kindness and hospitality, but I actually have to leave now” Castiel said, picking his things up off the table and returning them to his pockets.

 

“Did you want to take this to go?  I can box it up for you” Helen said, placing a comforting hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you.  That would be very kind of you” Cas replied.

 

Helen handed Castiel the receipt for the cost of his food, and then walked over behind the counter to box up the steak and eggs.  Castiel looked down at the receipt and saw that the cost of the food and coffee together was only eighteen dollars and twenty-six cents.  He decided to leave all of the money he had in his pockets.  He would most likely no longer need it, and Helen was nice to him.

 

After leaving the crumpled bills on the table, Castiel stood up from the booth and walked towards the counter to meet Helen.  She finished boxing the food and placed it in a large plastic bag.  Then, she grabbed a small container with a slice of pie inside and placed it in the bag as well. 

 

“On the house” Helen said with a wink.  She slid the bag over to Castiel, and then gave him a warm smile.  “I’ve seen that look before honey.  Whoever they are, you better hurry and get to them.  They seem mighty important to you.”

 

“Yes.  Yes, he is” Castiel replied, smiling in return.  He grabbed the bagged food and walked towards the diner’s entrance.  He turned around and exchanged one last wave and smile with Helen.  In that moment, he decided that if he ever got the chance, he would bring Dean back to this diner.  Maybe he would even play the claw game.

 

Castiel opened the back door of the car and set the food down safely in the backseat.  When he sat down and buckled himself in behind the steering wheel, he laid his phone down on the passenger seat.  He sighed, hoping that Dean would call him back soon, and then started the engine.  As the engine roared, his body erupted into another fit of coughs.  He held his hand in front of his mouth as he waited for them to stop.  When he was finally able to breathe again, he dropped his hand to find a faint splatter of blood across it.  He reached into the back seat, grabbed a napkin from the bag, and cleaned his hand.  He looked himself in the eye in the rear view mirror, and was saddened by the look of himself.  He found red eyes from crying or coughing or both, pale skin, and a layer of sweat on his brow.  His time was coming, and Castiel knew there were only two outcomes.  It all depended on what Dean wanted, and what Castiel ultimately deserved.  Dean was already on his way to the barn.  Dean was undoubtedly breaking multiple traffic laws to get there quickly, and Castiel also suspected he wouldn’t make any stops.  Dean would be there at the barn already, Castiel knew it, could feel it all the way through the very core of his being.

 

\-----

 

Castiel had finally made it just outside of Pontiac, Illinois.  When he was here last he had been flying, and never really appreciated the area.  The forests and fields surrounding the town were calm in their beauty, and yet so alive and full of the greens and browns of the earth.  Castiel appreciated these things more the closer he was to being human.

 

  
When he drove over an old wooden bridge above a small creek, he knew he was close.  As he turned the corner, he saw the barn in the distance, quiet and isolated.  Castiel felt a kind of kinship with the structure.  On occasion he too felt like this old lonely barn, weathered and broken but still standing.  A hollowed out shell that once served a purpose, and now waits for its end.

 

_“Maybe we’ll meet it together”_ Castiel thought to himself.

 

As he pulled up to the barn, he saw no sign of the Impala.  His gut ached, either from the disappointment or from his hunger.  He knew Dean might not park the Impala within eyesight however.  Years of hunter training would tell him to prepare somewhere in the distance just in case.  Castiel considered this thought, but also knew that there were few places to hide the car nearby.

 

He parked the car and grabbed his phone, slipping into his pocket.  He left the food in the backseat and the keys in the ignition, as he might not be needing them soon.  When he stepped out and closed the car door, he rested his hand on the roof and smiled.  Dean may have mocked his car when he brought it back to the bunker, but it had served him well.

 

“Thank you.  You have performed your duty admirably” Castiel said, patting the metal like a dog.  He looked around the area for any sign of human activity, and when he saw none, walked towards the barn door.  The barn was old when he and Dean had originally met, but even that could have been considered a better time for the poor building.  The wood was rotting on the edges, boards were warped, and Castiel wondered how something so battered and bruised could still find the will to go on.

 

He rested his palms on the wood of the door and pushed.  The door had clearly not been opened in some time, as dirt and grass were pulled up as he pushed.  With the barn door opened, Castiel inspected the interior.  It was dark, and cold, and smelled of decay. 

 

And there was no Dean.

 

Castiel knew he should not have been surprised.  He had left with a head start in the middle of the night, but he had hoped that with Dean’s speeding habits and Castiel making a few stops that Dean would beat him here.  He had thought about it on the drive; Dean would embrace him and ask him to stay with him in the bunker, forever.  They would be happy, and Castiel could enjoy humanity this time.  He would even learn to forgive himself for his past transgressions.

 

But those were day dreams.  Illusions humans create for themselves.  Stories told to children to ease their fear of the truth.  Nothing but fallacies.  Castiel knew how stories like his end. 

 

Castiel walked further into the barn, leaving the door open.  The walls were still covered in faint symbols and markings that Dean and Bobby had painted when they didn’t know what Castiel was.  He studied them and smiled fondly at the work of his friends.  Then he saw something painted on the far wall that he recognized as a protection symbol against merfolk.  Castiel rolled his eyes at the thought of Dean suspecting something aquatic, and made his way towards the table.

 

Castiel began to remove his suit jacket, folded it, and placed it on the table.  He then un-tucked his dress shirt, loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the sleeves.  As he was rolling the sleeves up to his elbows, he heard a noise outside.  A noise that would seem mundane to most, but not to Castiel.  The noise was warmth and comfort.  Friendship and family.  Love.

 

It was Dean Winchester.

 

“Dean!” Castiel yelled towards the door.  The sounds of the Impala’s engines died and he heard the car door open and slam shut.  He started to walk towards the barn entrance, but faltered as another coughing fit stopped him.  He moved his hand to cover his mouth, and coughed blood into it once more.  The pain from the cough radiated through his entire chest, and Castiel fell to his knees in the dirt.  One hand covering his mouth and the other on the ground supporting his weight, Castiel held his head up to look for Dean.  When the coughing didn’t stop like usual, Castiel fell to the floor and rolled over on his back, blood now running down the side of his mouth.

 

The barn door opened even further with a loud crack and Castiel turned his head as best he could to see Dean standing in the doorway, looking more terrified than Castiel had ever seen him before. 

 

“CAS!” Dean screamed and started running towards him.

 

_“Dean is here.  He’s here for me.  He shouldn’t be here, but he is.  I don’t deserve this, but he’s here.”_ Castiel thought to himself.

Castiel’s coughs slowed as blackness started to envelop his vision.

 

_“I love you Dean Winchester.”_

 

Castiel blacked out, and then there was nothing but darkness.  No coughing, no blood, no barn, no browns and greens, no steak and eggs, no warmth, and no Dean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been knocking this story out pretty quickly so maybe we'll get to the end sooner than I thought! Thanks for all the kind messages and comments! Let me know how you're liking where the story is going now. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This chapter does have some talks between the two of them about depression, just in case that bothers anyone.

Dean usually loved long car rides.  He grew up getting to know them, living life as one long road trip.  Sam was the same way.  When Sam had trouble sleeping as a kid, Dean would take him out and drive around in the Impala until he fell asleep.  Then he would park the car and fall asleep himself in the front, only driving back to the motel when the rays of the sun woke him up.  His dad was always pissed off, but Dean didn’t care as long as it made Sam feel better.  The Impala, and by extension the road itself, was his home; it was his comfort zone where all worries would melt away into the warm leather.

 

On his way to find Castiel, the road became a new sort of hell.  It seemed to stretch on endlessly, twisting and turning and taking him even farther from his destination.  The damn thing was like one of those optical illusions in the books Sam used to steal from the library.  It played his mind and put Dean on edge, ready to burst at a moment’s notice.

 

 _“Cas, you better be at that fucking barn.  God damnit why didn’t you answer my calls?”_ Dean thought, checking his rearview mirror and then turning his attention back to the never-ending highway.  He had passed Pontiac, Illinois about ten minutes ago, and he knew the barn had to be close by.  His cell phone sat in the passenger seat, long dead from all the calls he made to Cas’ phone.  He briefly wondered if Cas had tried to call him back.

 

Dean’s stomach rumbled, and for a moment he remembered that he hadn’t even eaten anything since the day before, but then immediately decided that it wasn’t important.  He had bigger priorities, and his hunger was nowhere near the top of that list.  It had been about six hours since he had left the bunker, and the only stop he made was a quick two minute break on the side of the road so he could take a piss.

 

The surrounding area grew into a plethora of trees and fields, a swath of browns and greens painted the landscape like a painting come to life.  Dean would have appreciated these things before, but not now.  Not since the Mark of Cain had begun to change him.  Even after he was cured of being a demon, the mark continued to corrupt.  It pulled and picked apart at everything that made Dean who he was; everything that made Dean human.  The less he felt human, the less he appreciated the browns and greens of the countryside.

 

The road started to turn past a small clearing when Dean first caught sight of the barn.  He wasn’t sure he would recognize it at first, but his memory was better than he thought.  He slammed his foot down on the pedal and sped off in the barn’s direction.  As it grew closer, so did the field surrounding it.  When the whole barn was visible, Dean saw Cas’ shitty old car parked out front.

 

“Cas!” Dean yelled.

 

Dean slammed on the brakes when he hit the grass of the field and parked his car next to Cas’.  He turned the car off and slammed the door open, making his way to the barn door as fast as his legs would move.  The barn was old and rotting but Cas had said in his letter that everything near him would be destroyed when the grace ran out.  Dean had made it in time.

 

When he reached the door it was left open slightly, but stuck in the overgrown grass around it.  He used both hands to shove the door open further, cracking some of the wood in the process.  When the door swung open, all feeling drained from his body.  Cas was lying on the ground, coughing up blood on his mouth and hands, and seemingly in shock.  His face turned to meet Dean’s eyes.

 

“CAS!” Dean screamed and started running towards him.  Cas’ coughs slowed and his head rolled back as he passed out.  Dean dropped to the dirt in front of his friend and pulled Cas’ head up into his own lap. 

 

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE” Dean yelled as he held Cas in his arms.  He laid his hand on the side of Cas’ face and lightly tapped his cheek with his palm.  “Come on, wake up you son of a bitch.  I have got way too much to say to you for you to die on me now man” Dean pleaded, tears flowing freely down his face.  He used his sleeve to wipe away the blood from Cas’ face as best he could.  His friend’s skin was warm and wet to the touch.  When he checked Cas for a pulse, he could feel a slow and weakening heartbeat, but a heartbeat nonetheless.  “Cas! Wake up!” Dean yelled at him.  When Castiel didn’t respond, Dean pulled him up into an embrace and held him tight.  His hands grabbed any cloth they could reach and tightened their grip, afraid to let go.  “I can’t do this without you Cas.  I need you so fucking bad.”

 

Dean didn’t know how to tell when the grace would explode.  In his letter, Cas had said it could level the entire bunker, so anywhere within sight of the barn would undoubtedly be dangerous. But Cas didn’t look like an impending explosion; he looked more like a terminally ill patient. 

 

 _“Maybe the grace is strong enough to destroy the mark”_ Dean thought, still cradling Castiel in his arms.  He knew angelic grace was a powerful thing, and what could be better at destroying a demonic brand than an explosion of pure grace?  _“Maybe this is how it is meant to be.  Maybe we can be together in whatever heaven or hell awaits us.  Maybe my time has come.  Maybe our time has come.  Our story began in this barn, and maybe now it will end here too.”_

 

Dean ran his hand up into Castiel’s hair and held his head against his own. 

 

“I’m ready Cas.  You and me, together.  Whatever happens, wherever we end up, I’m gonna find you okay?” he whispered into Cas’ ear.  “I fought through purgatory to find you and I will tear apart heaven and hell if I have to.”

 

Dean stopped talking, and just held the two of them together.  He thought of all the moments and memories they could have had.  Taking road trips in the Impala.  Christmas in the bunker with Sam, Charlie, Jody, Alex, and even Claire.  Keeping each other warm in bed on cold nights.  Teaching Cas how to cook.  Watching movies on the couch.  Taking vacations to places he never got to go as a kid.  Their wedding.  Their first anniversary.  Their first dinner date.  Their first kiss.  In only a moment, Dean had lived through an entire life with Castiel.  One he knew he couldn’t have, but so desperately wanted.  It was within his grasp, held out on a string for him to take, but he was too slow to catch it.  Dean hoped that other Dean and Castiel, the ones who didn’t wait until it was too late, were happy.  He hoped they lived full lives and got old and fat.  He imagined they stopped hunting full time.  Not completely, because he knew no version of him could give up saving people, but at least part time.  Sam probably went back to school and finished his degree.  Hunting was never a part of him as much as it was Dean, and he deserved a chance to get out.  Charlie would definitely have moved into the bunker with him and Cas, and she would set up technology so that they could do what Bobby once did, only faster and over longer distances.  Jody and Alex visited often.  The two of them were too far involved in the supernatural world to leave it behind them now, and Alex would need a full family to show her what a real one is like.  Claire came and went as she pleased, but she always seemed to find her way back to them.  Even after moving out, Dean thought about Sam and how he would still be a common sight around the bunker.  Other Sam could have found a wife too, hell maybe even kids.  Dean was suddenly struck with the thought of how much he wanted to be an uncle.  And then there was him and Cas.  Other Dean and Cas had been married, probably somewhere outside like a field or a beach.  Cas moved into Dean’s room, and the two developed a bad habit of sleeping in.  Cas was still a grumpy asshole in the morning until he had at least two cups of coffee, and Dean was still an obnoxious asshole who would pester Cas nonstop before the caffeine kicked in.  He learned all of Castiel’s favorite things: his favorite drink to order at a bar, his favorite television show, his favorite song, his favorite midnight snack, his favorite ice cream flavor, and so on and so forth until infinity. 

 

Other Dean and other Cas were lucky sons of bitches.

 

Dean held Cas, took a deep breath, and readied himself. 

 

“Together Cas. Let’s go together” Dean whispered and closed his eyes.

 

“Where are we going?” Cas asked, voice quiet and weak.

 

Dean pulled back and stared at Cas’ open eyes.  Blue met green, and the two of them were wearing matching smiles.

 

“Cas! You son of a bitch I thought you were gone.  I thought-” Dean stopped mid-sentence and embraced Castiel again.  He held on with as much strength as he could muster, afraid to let go.

 

 _“He’s here.  He’s alive.  Don’t let him go.  Don’t let him go.  I won’t let him go.”_ Dean thought to himself.

 

“Dean. I’m fine, I promise.  But, you are using an unnecessary amount of force” Castiel said, letting out a single cough.

 

“Oh, sorry. Sorry man” Dean said quickly, releasing Cas from the hug.  “Can you walk?  Let’s get you leaned up against the wall, okay?”

 

“I may need your help” Castiel replied.  He moved to stand, and Dean quickly grabbed underneath his arm to help him up.  Once he was standing, Dean swung Castiel’s arm around his own shoulder and carefully lead him towards the wall.  Grabbing Cas’ arm and lower back, Dean helped lower him carefully against the wood.  Once he was certain Cas was stable, Dean kneeled on the ground in front of his friend.

 

“You scared the shit out of me, Cas” Dean said, rubbing his hand over his face.  “I was going to let you take us both out.”

 

At that, Cas narrowed his eyes and glared at Dean.  Then he grabbed onto Dean’s shoulder and squeezed.

 

“Why would you do that?” Cas asked, clearly frustrated.  “You have a long life ahead of you Dean.  Why would you throw that away?”

 

“Cause I realized something Cas.  Alone, I’m nothing.  Since you guys turned me human again, I’ve felt empty.  Like I was just a vessel for the mark.  It wasn’t until I read your letter that I truly felt alive again.  I thought that if we both went together…I’d find you Cas, no matter where we end up I will always find you” Dean confessed to Cas, unable to keep the emotion from his voice or from his eyes.  “If there’s no way to save you, then I’m coming with buddy.”

 

Cas smiled and it melted whatever cold emotionless part of Dean was left.  He moved his hand from Dean’s shoulder to his cheek and stared straight into his eyes, neither one willing to look away.

 

“Well.  There’s a way to save me, technically” Cas said slowly, finally breaking eye contact and staring at the ground.

 

“Tell me, Cas.  Tell me what it is and I’ll do it” Dean said immediately, and he knew that he meant it.  He had never felt so strongly about a promise, and he hadn’t even heard what was needed of him.

 

“We can remove the grace, just like Metatron did before.  There is not much grace left, so only a small cut would be needed” Castiel said, lowering his hand from Dean’s cheek and dropping it into his lap.  Dean’s face immediately missed the warmth.

 

“Why the hell didn’t you tell us this before?  We could have saved you weeks ago!” Dean raised his voice, angry that Cas had kept such a simple solution from him.

 

“Because it will leave me human again” Cas responded flatly. 

 

“So?  Why the fuck would you rather be dead than human?!” Dean was almost yelling now, hurt that Cas would rather leave him behind than go back to humanity.

 

“Dean, my first experience as a human was…lonely.  The world is a cold place and all I can remember from my time as a human is the hunger, the pain, and the confusion.  I didn’t know how to be human, how to exist as something vastly different from what I have always known.  Even when I found a semblance of purpose working in that store, I was still alone and without value.  I didn’t have a home, or a family, or truly anything of real substance.  I could have died, and nobody would have taken notice.  With everything I’ve done in the past, I thought maybe that’s the way it should be.  Maybe I deserve death” Castiel said, breaking his eye contact with Dean.

 

Dean was stunned into silence.  His mind raced through all the memories he had with Cas when he was human, and he realized there were very few.  It hadn’t even crossed his mind that nobody had been there to teach Cas how to be human.  Nobody taught him how to shave, how to cook, how to shower, how to change a tire, how to wash clothes, how to cure a hangover, how to clean up wounds without angelic mojo, or how to do anything that Cas had never been concerned about before.  Dean felt wracked with guilt, but it quickly turned into determination.  Determination to teach Cas everything about being human, if he was still allowed.

 

“Cas, I am so fucking sorry man.  You’re right, I treated you like shit when you were human.  I kicked you out and left you by yourself, and I…I shouldn’t have.  God, how can you even stand me Cas?  Look, I promise that this time you won’t be alone.  You’re going to live in the bunker and I’m going to teach you everything okay?” said Dean, grabbing Cas’ hands and holding them tight.  He wanted to make sure Cas knew just how important these words were.  “But there are a few things you’re wrong about.  Even if I was an asshole, you still had a family.  You will always be family, alright?  I don’t think you truly understand what it means when I consider someone part of my family.  It means you’re stuck with me man, for good.  And you honestly think nobody would have cared if you had died?  Cas, I would have been wrecked.  When I saw that reaper stab you, and I thought I had lost you for good, I was broken.  I can’t function without you, Cas.”

 

Dean’s eyes had started to water, and he could see Cas’ were as well.  The two of them were a pair of the most deadly monster-killing-badasses on earth, and yet here they were holding hands and crying their eyes out inside an abandoned barn.  Even so, Dean couldn’t bring himself to give a shit.

 

“But most importantly Cas, I need you to know that you don’t deserve death.  You deserve life, and happiness, and to take the time to figure out what that even means to you” said Dean.  “Here is your first lesson in humanity: nobody is perfect.  We are all flawed.  Sometimes we do bad stuff, even when we are trying to do good stuff.  But as long as you can learn from your mistakes and keep trying to do good, you are gonna be fine.  That’s what makes us different from monsters.  It’s not about physically being a human, because there sure are a hell of a lot of humans who I would call monsters.  It’s about striving to be better, and forgiving others and yourselves when they slip up once in a while.  It’s about…the courage to do what is right, no matter what stands in your way.”

 

Cas was practically beaming at Dean now, and Dean almost couldn’t look at his face.  It felt like too much, the way Cas stared at him.  But he didn’t care, because he wanted to hold onto the feeling it gave him and keep it for as long as he was allowed.

 

“I think that speech could have been given to yourself too, Dean” Cas said softly, squeezing Dean’s hands.

 

“Yeah, I guess it could have” Dean sighed.  “We really are pretty similar, huh?”

 

“Very” Cas replied.  “Dean, we should do this quickly.  The grace is running thin.”

 

“Yeah, of course.  How do we do it?  What do we need?” Dean asked quickly.

 

“In the trunk of my car there is an angel blade and a small metal necklace.  Grab those and bring them back in here.  Also, if you have some bandages and any other first aid supplies I would bring those as well.  I won’t be able to heal myself.  The cut will be small, but I would prefer not to start my second chance at humanity with an infection” Cas said, attempting to bring a little levity to the situation.  Dean didn’t think it was that funny.

 

“I’ve got plenty of that crap.  I’ll go grab the stuff and be right back.  Are you gonna be okay?” Dean asked, grabbing Cas’ leg.

 

Cas narrowed his eyes.

 

“Dean, I will be fine in the thirty seconds it will take you to get to the cars and back, go” Cas said, releasing his hold on Dean’s hand.

 

“Yeah, well excuse me for worrying about the guy who is supposed to explode sometime soon” Dean rolled his eyes, but flashed Cas an honest smile before standing up and walking towards the cars out front.  Dean turned around to face Cas just before going out the door.  “Don’t go anywhere or…you know, blow up.”

 

“Dean Winchester, ever the poet” Castiel replied.

 

“Shut up” Dean shot back, before hurrying out to the cars.  He stopped by the Impala first and dug out any first aid supplies he had in the trunk.  He threw them all in a bag, and then walked over to the back of Cas’ piece-of-shit-mobile and popped open the trunk.  The blade and the necklace were the only things Cas had in there, so Dean grabbed them both with his left hand and then slammed the trunk shut.

 

“Dean Winchester” said a woman’s voice from behind his back.

 

Dean turned around, raising the blade in front of him.  Standing there in the field, several yards away from him was the angel Hannah.  He knew her and Castiel had traveled together for a short time, but all he could remember was when she asked Cas to kill Dean.

 

“What do you want?” Dean snapped, keeping the blade raised.

 

“To check on my brother.  You may not like me Dean, but we are both fond of Castiel.  I was hoping you would listen to reason, and help me convince him of an alternative plan” Hannah said, keeping her hands awkwardly stiff at her side.

 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?  Last few times heaven tried to help Cas they tortured and brain washed him.  You’ll understand if I’m not exactly jumping for joy at the idea of handing him over” Dean growled.

 

“Heaven is different now Dean.  I would never see Castiel harmed, but humanity may not be the right choice for him.  His last experience with humanity was…troubling” said Hannah, now holding her hands clasped in front of her.  “Castiel is a great angel, and has sacrificed much for us all.  There are many volunteers in heaven who are willing to drain themselves of some of their grace to keep Castiel alive and an angel.  It is not the perfect solution, but it is one that should be considered.  He could live in heaven with us, and retire in paradise.”

 

Dean scowled in the angel’s direction, but when he considered the possibilities, his face fell.  What if that’s what Cas wanted?  He could be among his brothers and sisters again.  He would be happier in heaven than he would be on earth with Dean.  Dean was silent for a few moments.

 

“It should be his choice.  We can ask him” Dean finally answered.

 

“I agree, but let me ask you this Dean: what will become of him if he becomes human?  You’ll keep him as a pet?  Throw him in front of monsters as bait?  I won’t let you use my brother as I know you have in the past” said Hannah, firmly and staring Dean down.

 

The words stung, but Dean knew she was wrong. 

 

“No.  Cas is my- he’s my family.  He means more to me than your programming will ever know, and I’m going to take care of him as best I can” Dean said, matching Hannah in intensity.

 

Hannah narrowed her eyes and begun studying Dean.  It made him uncomfortable because he didn’t know what kind of angel crap she was up to- but he probably wouldn’t approve.

 

“Do you love him?” Hannah asked, still studying Dean.  He felt like he was talking to his prom date’s dad.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do” Dean responded without hesitation.

 

“There is something about Castiel that draws others to him.  I too felt drawn to him once, and I suspect much of that was due to his ever-growing humanity.  You humans…interest me” said Hannah, cocking her head to the side as if confused by her own words.

 

“Yet you’re the one trying to take it away from him” Dean spit back at her.

 

“Not because I have any distaste for humanity.  I am offering this because Castiel has few other choices available to him.  It is simply another option Dean” Hannah said.  She shrugged her rigid shoulders, as if trying out a dance move she had seen in a movie.  “I’m just trying to take care of my brother.”

 

“I know, I’m trying to take care of him too.  But maybe…” Dean swallowed around the words, “Maybe we should ask him what he wants.”

 

“After you” Hannah said, nodding her head.

 

Dean turned towards the barn and shook his head in frustration.  Dean felt selfish, but he hoped Cas chose him.

 

He stepped into the barn and smiled when his eyes met Cas’.  

 

“Hey Cas.  Sorry it took a little bit, but I found a friend of yours” Dean said, walking towards Cas while motioning behind him. 

 

“Hello Castiel” said Hannah, following Dean into the barn.

 

“Hannah.  It’s good to see you.  Now we won’t need those first aid supplies after all” Cas said, smiling.  “Would you mind healing my wound after we extract the grace, Hannah?”

 

“Castiel, I have another option for you.  You don’t have to be human, we can-” Hannah began.

 

“Stop.  I know what your plan is” Cas interrupted, holding his hand in front of him.  “You’ll take me to heaven.  Keep me alive by draining the grace of lesser angels who volunteered to save their former leader.  I’d stay in heaven to receive regular supplies of grace, living out the rest of my existence in a peaceful paradise of my own.  That is your plan, correct?”

 

“I…how did you know?” Hannah asked, shocked.

 

“Hannah, before I was your leader I was a tactician.  A very skilled one, I must admit.  That’s really the only option you have at your disposal” Cas said plainly.  “It is noble of you, to offer your help.  However, it is not needed.”

 

Dean’s heart beat faster than he thought possible.  He stared at Cas’ face and waited for him to continue.

 

“I do not wish to return to heaven, at least not yet anyways.  It wouldn’t be paradise, not truly, without Dean.  I will live out the rest of my life as a human, and then Dean and I will go to heaven together when we pass.  Hopefully at a very, very old age” Cas said, turning to meet Dean’s eyes and grinning.

 

Hannah looked between Dean and Cas and let a genuine smile take over her face.

 

“If that is what you truly want, then I am happy for you Castiel” said Hannah.

 

“Thank you, sister.  Now, would you mind extracting the grace?  I was going to have Dean help me do it, but it will be much easier with your assistance” Cas asked Hannah, nodding towards the blade in Dean’s hand.

 

Dean flipped the blade in his hand and offered it to Hannah.  When she reached for the handle, Dean didn’t immediately let go.

 

“I still don’t completely trust you, but I trust Cas and he seems to think you’re alright.  Just know that if you betray him, I will unleash literal hell on you and everything you know” Dean said, dark and low.

 

“Dean, stop” Cas said sternly.

 

“No, it’s okay Castiel.  I have not done much to earn Dean’s favor” Hannah said, taking the blade as Dean’s grip relaxed.  “I hope I can someday gain your trust Dean.”

 

“Weirder things have happened to me” Dean said gruffly.

 

Hannah approached Castiel and kneeled in front of him.  Dean followed, and grabbed Cas’ hand.  He wasn’t sure if having your grace removed hurt, but he guessed that it probably didn’t feel great.  He squeezed Cas’ hand to let him know that he was there to protect him.  Cas squeezed his hand back.

 

“Hand me the necklace” Hannah said to Dean with an outstretched hand, and Dean dropped it into her palm.  “Now relax Castiel.”

 

Dean watched Hannah lean in towards Cas and raise the angel blade to his neck.  Even though he knew this is what had to be done, it did not make Dean feel at ease.  The sight of a blade at Cas’ throat sent him into panic mode.  His brow began to sweat and his hands started shaking.  Cas must have sensed Dean’s anxiety, because he squeezed Dean’s hand twice.  Dean was supposed to be protecting Cas, and yet here he was needing to be comforted instead.  Hannah slowly moved the tip of the blade across Cas’ neck, making a cut about an inch long.  From the cut, a blue-silver cloud of light poured out and into the rafters of the barn.  It swirled in circles for a moment before diving straight into the necklace in Hannah’s hand.  When the grace was completely encased inside, Hannah flipped the top of it closed.  The grace glowed from within its new vessel, giving the necklace an otherworldly appearance.  Hannah held out her hand, and the necklace, to Cas.

 

“You may not have been its original owner, but this grace knows you better than any other now.  You should be the one to keep it” said Hannah.

 

Cas took the necklace, and after he did, Hannah held her palm out in front of his neck.  A glow that matched the necklace emanated from her hand, and Cas’ wound sealed itself, leaving the skin smooth and unscarred.  When Hannah lowered her hand, Dean saw that Cas looked healthy again.  His skin was no longer ghostly pale and his eyes were not sunken and bloodshot. 

 

“Thank you Hannah” Cas said, sighing from what Dean could only assume was relief.

 

“You’re very welcome Castiel.  However, I should take my leave now.  I expect the two of you have much to talk about on your drive home” said Hannah.  “Will you permit me to visit you from time to time?”

 

Cas looked at Dean, seeking permission.  Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“Dude it’s your home too, you know” Dean said to Cas.  “But yeah, you’re welcome to visit us there Hannah…” Dean grumbled.

 

Hannah smiled and laid the angel blade on the ground.  She stood up, and brushed off her coat with her hands.

 

“You know, there are a number of angels in heaven who were waiting for this to happen” Hannah said, pointing at Dean and Cas both and smiling.  “The Righteous Man and God’s Favorite Angel.  A tale of biblical proportions.”

 

Before Dean could say anything in return, Hannah was gone.  He scoffed, and then turned his attention back to Cas who had an unreadable expression on his face, but he was smiling and Dean considered that a victory.

 

“So, what do you say Cas?  Ready to head home?” Dean asked, helping Cas stand up from the wall.  He picked up the blade, stuffed it inside the bag of unused first aid supplies, and swung it over his shoulder.

 

“Yes, I am ready Dean” Cas said.

 

As the two of them started walking towards the car, Dean felt Cas’ hand slide into his own.  Dean blushed and looked at the ground in front of him.  When it came to Cas, he wasn’t sure he would ever stop feeling like a teenage girl about this kind of stuff.

 

“Dean, what about my car?” Cas asked when they stepped outside.

 

“Leave it, it’s a piece of shit anyways” Dean said, chuckling under his breath.

 

Cas stopped Dean in his tracks with a glare like he wanted to smite him.

 

“It may not be pretty, or strong, or even that likable…but it has served me well” Cas said.  Dean couldn’t help but reflect on how endearing it was to see Cas fight so hard for something that hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things.  It was a very human thing to do, but Dean noted that Cas was like this about the car before he became human again.  Maybe Cas was always part human.

 

“Alright, alright geez.  We’ll call a tow company and have them bring it to somewhere close to the bunker.  It’s gonna cost us a shit ton of cash, but if it really means that much to you, then it’s important to me too I guess” said Dean.  He rolled his eyes, but he flashed Cas a smile so that he knew Dean wasn’t actually that annoyed.

 

“Thank you Dean” Cas said.  He opened the Impala’s passenger door and climbed in, while Dean tossed their supplies into the trunk of the car. 

 

Dean slammed the trunk closed, and then walked up to the driver’s side and casually opened the door and slid into his seat.  He pulled his keys from his pocket and stuck them in the ignition, but didn’t turn them.  Instead, he shifted his body to face Cas.

 

“Hey, Cas.  I gotta tell you somethin” Dean said, worry in his voice.  He had one hand behind Cas’ head on the seat, and the other was tapping out the beat to a Led Zeppelin song on the steering wheel.  Dean was quiet for several seconds, but Cas patiently waited for Dean to gather his courage.  “I know what you said in the letter, and I…I mean I feel the same way about you, man.  But look…I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck with me, you know?  You’re free to make whatever decisions you want and…and live your life the way you want.  And that doesn’t have to include me if you don’t want it to, I mean there are so many people out there who are way better than I am and-“

 

Dean was interrupted by Cas grabbing the back of his neck and pushing their mouths together in an unexpected kiss.  Dean was caught off guard, but only for a brief moment, before he started kissing Cas in return.  The kiss was soft and gentle, and spoke of the feelings between the two.  It wasn’t rushed or hurried, and it wasn’t forced.  For that single moment, all the problems of heaven and hell disappeared, and Dean’s life was perfect.  When they finally parted, both had matching smiles stretching across their entire face. 

 

“Dean, I love you, but sometimes you are one dumb son of a bitch” Cas said fondly.

 

Dean laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah, well, you should know that by now.  You know that I…that the way I feel…it’s just-” Dean started.

 

“It’s okay Dean, you don’t have to say it in return, especially if you’re not ready” Cas said.

 

“No, shut up, yes I do” Dean said, shaking his head.  “Because I do, I love you Cas.  But it doesn’t feel like enough.  Saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t even begin to describe how fucking important you are to me.  You’re vital to my existence, man.  I literally need you, Cas.”

 

“Good thing I plan on staying then” Cas said with a small smile.  “Oh, I almost forgot.  One second.”

 

Dean watched Cas step out of the Impala and walk over to his shitty car.  He opened the back door and reached into what looked like a large plastic bag.  He grabbed a small box and then shut the car door, taking the box with him back to the Impala.  He sat down in the passenger seat once more, and handed the box to Dean.

 

“Thought you might want this” Cas said.

 

Dean took the box carefully, uncertain of what was inside.  He popped out the tabs and pulled back the lid to find a large piece of home-made golden apple pie.

 

“Holy shit.  I just got to kiss you while sitting in my baby, and now you’re giving me pie?  Did we die?  Are we in heaven?  Oh fuck, you exploded and my body is painted all over the walls of that barn and we are dead.  That is the only explanation for how fucking perfect this moment is” said Dean, laughing.

 

Cas leaned over and gave Dean another quick kiss.

 

“Let’s go home” Cas said, scooting over and lining himself up next to Dean.  He then laid his head down on Dean’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

 

“As you wish” Dean replied.  And in that moment, driving the Impala with Cas laying on his shoulder, Dean forgot about all of his problems.  He forgot about guilt.  He forgot about hell. He forgot about the Mark of Cain, or the spell that Sam and Charlie had waiting for him.  In that moment, nothing mattered except the road and the warmth against him. 

 

“No, I think in our situation, I am definitely the Westley.  That makes you Buttercup” Cas said, adjusting his head to a more comfortable position on Dean’s shoulder.

 

 _“I am so fucking lucky”_ Dean thought to himself, relaxing in the sight of the highway and the sound of Led Zeppelin playing through the speakers.

 

“I know a great diner we should stop at on the way home” said Cas.

 

 

 

 

 

_So I’ve decided what I’m gonna do now._

_So I’m packing my bags for the Misty Mountains_

_Where the spirits go now,_

_Over the hills where the spirits fly, ooh._

_I really don’t know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left! I had originally planned to do 2k words per chapter, but this clearly got away from me a little more than I expected. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel’s room was cold, and especially so early in the morning.  He was not used to the rise and fall of temperatures again, and he missed the warmth that the grace brought him.  He had been back in the bunker for five days now, and he woke up early every morning because he was too cold.  Dean had brought him extra blankets, and yet it still hadn’t been enough.  Castiel thought about asking to sleep in Dean’s room, but they had been taking things slowly and he did not want to push him.  The Mark of Cain still needed to be dealt with, and Castiel knew Dean would be on edge until it was.

 

Charlie arrived in the bunker the morning after Dean and Castiel returned.  She had been very excited to meet Castiel, and he was happy to meet another person so close to the Winchesters.  He found her charming, and yet oddly curious.  She was sweet and spoke quickly, and Castiel suspected that her intelligence rivaled even Sam’s (perhaps even surpassed it in certain areas).  They talked for a while when she first arrived, and he answered every question she had about the Supernatural books that Sam and Dean refused to talk about.  She was most interested in the nature of his and Dean’s relationship.

 

That was something Dean and Castiel had not yet discussed.  There was obviously some kind of relationship between the two of them, he was sure of that much, but the extent of that relationship was still somewhat unclear.  Even as uncertain as he was about what it all meant, Castiel knew he was happy with Dean regardless.

 

Finally giving in to his inability to fall back asleep, Castiel peeled back the several layers of blankets draped over him.  He slipped out from underneath them and let out a yelp when his feet touched the cold floor.  He was wearing only a t-shirt and pajama pants, and they did not do much to protect him from the chill.  Castiel quickly ran over to his dresser and pulled out a large blue robe, throwing it on over his pajamas.  After putting on a pair of warm wool socks, he left his room and headed out towards the kitchen.

 

The first thing Castiel had made an effort towards mastering was the coffee machine.  Dean didn’t really drink coffee, and Castiel didn’t understand how that was possible.  Without it, Castiel was a mess.  When he reached the kitchen, he started the coffee maker and grabbed a mug from the cabinet.  The mug seemed fairly new, no scuff marks or chips in it like most of the other ones.  On it read, ‘Greetings from Italy’.

 

“Every time I run off somewhere, I always make sure and bring the boys back something.”  Charlie was standing in the doorway that connects the kitchen to the library.  She was wearing blue plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt that read ‘Han Shot First’.  Her fiery hair was short and sharp, and she smiled warmly up at Castiel.  “What are you making for breakfast my feathery friend?”

 

“Most likely nothing.  I am not well practiced in the art of breakfast.  Also, my wings were not actual feathers.  They resembled them certainly, but were more akin to essences of pure grace and light,” Castiel said.

 

“Huh, so more like Diablo angels then?”

 

Castiel looked confused.  “I suppose every angel is capable of speaking Spanish but-”

 

“Never mind, I’m just babbling,” Charlie interrupted him.  “Alright, I’ll help you out with breakfast today then.  How about…cereal?  It’s easy.  Plus, have you ever tasted Fruity Pebbles?” Charlie asked, arching her eyebrows into her hairline.

 

“Um. No.”

 

“Well then prepare yourself for the tastiest and most sugar filled breakfast of your life!” Charlie said, her voice rising a few octaves near the end.  She grabbed a bright red box from the pantry, a jug of milk from the fridge, and a pair of bowls and spoons from the cabinet.  Laying them all on the table, she poured a bowl of cereal for the two of them and scooped a large bite into her mouth.  She nodded for Castiel to do the same.

 

Castiel took the spoon in his hand and scooped a small pile of the rainbow flakes into it.  He brought the spoon to his mouth, and bit down on the combination of milk and the so-called fruity pebbles.

 

“This is actually quite delicious,” he said finally.

 

“Told you!  The breakfast of champions!”  Charlie raised her spoon in the air above her head.

 

“I also suspect that it is not very nutritious.”

 

“Not the point.  Plus, what isn’t trying to kill you in this world, am I right?  When you live around the Winchesters long enough, you start to enjoy the little things just in case you never get another chance.  I’ve read the books, their friends don’t usually last long,” Charlie said, waving a finger in his direction.

 

“How far do the Carver Endlund books go?” Castiel asked, genuinely curious.  He knew that the books had at least reached the events of the apocalypse, but he wasn’t sure how much farther they went.

 

“Well, the physical books end with you guys stopping the apocalypse and Sam falling into the cage.  But I knew Sam obviously didn’t stay in hell, so I looked it up online and sure enough…there are more books that were never put into print,” said Charlie.

 

“What are the events of the most recent book?”

 

“Well, the most recent book takes place a while after you and Dean came back from purgatory.  But the thing is, a new book gets published every few months.  I don’t know if you guys know what happened to that Chuck guy, but either he is still writing or someone got ahold of a lot of future drafts and keeps uploading them,” Charlie said, pulling out her phone and opening a link.  She slid the phone over in front of Castiel.

 

“Goodbye Stranger,” Castiel read the title aloud.  He scrolled through the pages and skimmed the writing until he realized what the events were leading towards.  “This book details the events of the crypt, doesn’t it?”

 

Charlie winced.  “Yeah, yeah it does.”

 

“Do these novels cover the things that occurred between Naomi and myself?  When she was…conditioning me?”  Castiel choked on the last part of the sentence.

 

Charlie looked down at her cereal and swirled it around with her spoon.  She nodded, and then looked up to make eye contact with him.  “Sorry Cas.  That was some pretty messed up shit she did to you.”

 

“Does Dean know?  Has he read these books?” Cas asked quickly, ignoring the sympathy.

 

“I don’t think so.  He likes to pretend that the books don’t even exist.  I doubt he’s read more than a couple pages of the early ones,” said Charlie. 

 

“Please do not tell him,” Castiel pleaded.

 

“He doesn’t know?  Cas, you should probably tell him that stuff.  She made you kill thousands of-”

 

“I know,” Castiel interrupted.  “I will tell him eventually, but not until after he is done dealing with his current issues.  I don’t need to give him another reason to mistrust me at the moment.”

 

“Dude, Dean trusts you.  In fact I’m not sure that’s even a good way to describe how that big oaf really feels about you,” said Charlie.  “He’s not going to hold it against you.  You were _tortured_ Cas.”

 

“Even so.  This is something that I should tell him myself.”

 

“Yeah, of course.  I won’t say anything,” Charlie said and offered Castiel a smile.  They were both silent for a few moments while they ate more of their cereal, until Charlie spoke again.  “Hey, you know the next time we have some downtime you should join me for a good LARP session.  Dean really got into it last time, so I bet we can convince him to come too.”

 

“I’m not familiar with the term, but if both you and Dean enjoy it then I’m sure I will as well,” said Castiel.

 

“You could be my court wizard!”

 

Castiel tilted his head to the side as he contemplated that comment.  Before he had a chance to question it, a loud crash erupted from somewhere in the bunker, muffled by its distance from the kitchen.

 

“Ugh.  Those two are so clumsy.  I hope they’re done gathering the rest of the ingredients soon.  Sam swears this bat-cave will have everything but I’m kinda skeptical,” said Charlie.

 

“Perhaps I should go and offer my assistance,” Castiel thought aloud.

 

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind an extra pair of hands.  I know Dean won’t mind them, yours especially,” Charlie grinned.  “I have to go start preparing the spell anyways.”

 

Both of them stood from the table and dropped their bowls in the sink.  Castiel nodded at Charlie and left to go find the brothers.  Before he was out of the room, he turned to face her.

 

“Thank you for the fruit pebbles.  They were very delicious.”

 

“You’re welcome!” Charlie said sweetly, walking off towards the library.

 

Castiel followed the hallway towards the direction of the crash.  He was still quite unskilled at navigating the bunker, but he knew there were several storage rooms in the direction he was walking.  He walked slowly, trying to map out the bunker in his head.  As a human, he found it aggravating that he was unable to instantly discern Sam and Dean’s location and travel there instantly.  He did not like walking.

 

“No, absolutely not.  It’s out of the question,” Dean’s voice came from down the hall.  It was quiet, but Castiel could recognize his voice anywhere.  He began walking faster towards the voice.

 

“Dean, we have to.  It’s our only lead right now, and it’s not even that big of a deal.  It wasn’t even his in the first place!”  The second voice belonged to Sam.

 

“It was his for long enough.  I don’t care man, I’m not using Cas’ grace.  We can find a different spell.”

 

Castiel’s eyes went wide and he stopped in his tracks.  The spell required angelic grace.  It made sense to Castiel; a spell that was used to remove demonic infections would find no stronger ingredient.  What Cas didn’t understand was why Dean was so hesitant to take it.

 

“Dean, look at me.  Do you really think Cas would rather keep that grace over possibly curing you of the mark?  Dean, he loves you,” said Sam.

 

Castiel inched closer to the room, hovering just outside of the door, and listened.

 

Dean sighed.  “I know Sam.  But think about it.  Cas has gone through all of that shit because of Metatron.  He took his grace and used it in some spell of his own.  I can’t do that to him man.  I know he would let me, but I don’t want him to feel like he has to.  I don’t want to use him like other people have.”

 

There was silence for a few moments, during which Castiel almost forgot to breath.  Dean was willing to keep the Mark of Cain solely because he didn’t want to manipulate Castiel. 

 

“Look, maybe it will be fine Sammy.  Ever since I read Cas’ letter, I’ve felt like I…like I have a purpose again.  I haven’t really felt it that much since.  Maybe I can learn to control it, you know?” Dean said, his voice faltering slightly.

 

“Maybe, maybe not,” Sam said.  “But shouldn’t you at least talk to Cas and see what he thinks?”

 

“I think we should use it,” Castiel said, announcing his presence and walking into the doorway.  He made eye contact with Dean.

 

“Fuck, Cas how long have you been listening?” Dean asked, only slightly irritated.  He ran his hand over his face.

 

“Only for a moment,” Castiel answered.  “Dean, I think we need to have a conversation.”

 

“I’ll let you guys have some space,” Sam said, coughing to ease the tension.  As he moved past Castiel to leave, he nodded and smiled.  Castiel watched Sam go, grateful that they could have this talk without him in the room.

 

“Dean, I can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate you trying to take my feelings into consideration,” Castiel said while walking closer to Dean, leaving very little space between the two men.  “But if you think I value that grace more than your health, then we need to have a long conversation about the two of us.”

 

“Cas-“

 

“No, Dean, let me talk.  I love you, but you’re terrible at communicating.  I’m not the best example either, and together we have a tendency to not express our thoughts and feelings whatsoever,” said Castiel.  He reached out and grabbed Dean’s hands with his own.  “That’s why from this moment on, we need to promise each other that we won’t keep secrets.  We need to talk with one another, and be willing to listen.  We can’t make decisions for each other without knowing how we both feel on the matter.”

 

“I know Cas, I do.  It’s just hard for me, man.  I’ve kept everything bottled up for years.  I’m not used to letting someone in like this,” said Dean.  He ran his thumb back and forth over Cas’ hand.  “But I think I can get there, for you…for both of us.”

 

“I’m glad,” Castiel said, smiling.  He thought about his conversation with Charlie, and he felt guilty for every secret he still had.  His face fell.  “I have so many things to tell you, but there’s one I need to share with you first.  And I expect you won’t like it.”  Castiel dropped Dean’s hands and took a step back.

 

“You can tell me Cas,” Dean said, almost a whisper.

 

“Back when Naomi was controlling me, after I was pulled out of purgatory, she made me do things,” Castiel started.  He was nervous, and he held his hands together in front of himself.  “She made these copies of you and-”

 

“I know.  I know what she made you do,” Dean said, quick and calm.

 

Castiel stared in shock.  Dean knew?  Dean couldn’t know.  Dean knew and yet he was still able to forgive him.  He had killed thousands of clones of Dean until he was able to do it without hesitation, and yet Dean seemed mostly unaffected.

 

“How?  How can you still look at me?  I killed you.  Thousands of times I ran a blade through your heart, and you can still trust me?” Castiel asked.  He had expected and prepared for many different reactions, but this was not one of them.  His eyes whipped around the room in search of something, anything to make this conversation make sense.

 

“Cas.  Cas look at me,” Dean said.  He reached out and took Cas’ face in his hands.  He moved his head up and brought their gazes together.  “None of that was within your control.  Those weren’t really me, and when it finally came down to it, you didn’t go through with it man.  You broke her control.”

 

“I didn’t break it.  You did.”

 

“I know,” Dean said, wiping away the small tears forming in Cas’ eyes with his thumbs.

 

“How did you know?” Castiel asked, leaning into Dean’s hold.

 

“Chuck’s books.  Charlie said they kept going online, so I found and read them,” Dean said.

 

“But you hate those books,” Castiel said, stepping closer to Dean.

 

“Yeah, I do.  But when I learned they went far enough to have you in them, I knew I wanted to read them.  I wanted to know more about your side of things,” Dean said, shrugging.

 

“Then you know _everything_ ,” Castiel said, closing his eyes and sighing.

 

“Well, not everything.  Chuck doesn’t write you into the books nearly as much as he should.  But we will have plenty of time to make up for it with our own stories,” Dean said, moving forward and kissing Castiel.  It was warm and inviting, and Castiel gathered up all the love he felt within it and eagerly let it take him away.  When they parted, they leaned their foreheads together and breathed the same air.  “Cas, you don’t need to live in the past.  We move on, and we forgive ourselves and each other, okay?”

 

“Dean, please let us use the grace in the spell.  I’m not offering it out of some sense of duty or penance.  I’m offering it to you out of love, and even selfishness, because I want you cured,” Castiel said firmly, breathing heavily.

 

“You’ve got a funny definition of selfish Cas.”  Dean chuckled.

 

“How so?  Being selfish is placing value over something you want over anything else.  There’s nothing I want more than you Dean,” Castiel replied, slightly confused.

 

“Oh,” Dean swallowed around the new lump in his throat.  “Alright, well then let’s get up there and get this damn tattoo removed shall we?”

 

\-----

 

 

Dean and Castiel entered the library hand in hand.  Once inside, they found Sam, Charlie, and Hannah all gathered around the table with supplies and scattered pages lying about.  Sam looked up at their arrival, looked down at their joined hands, and then smiled to himself.

 

“Where did you say you found this spell again?” Hannah asked Charlie.

 

“Some dead guy’s tomb in Vatican City.  His name was John-something I think?  I don’t know, who cares, point is it’s going to work,” Charlie said, full of confidence.

 

“How can you be so sure?  You have faith in something you’ve never even seen,” Hannah said, honest and curious.

 

“Yeah, welcome to humanity Hannah,” Charlie replied.

 

“Hey guys, how’s the spell coming along?” Dean asked, pulling Castiel with him. 

 

“Great!  Hannah showed up to help, but we’re still missing the last ingredient,” Charlie said carefully, clearly not wanting to break the news to Castiel if he didn’t already know.

 

“Here,” he said, handing the necklace to Charlie.  “I can’t think of a better use for this grace than to help save Dean Winchester.”

 

“Wow,” Charlie said, staring at the two of them.  “This is so stupidly romantic.”

 

“Shut the hell up Charlie.”  Dean blushed, but didn’t let go of Castiel’s hand.

 

“Touchy,” Charlie said with a grin.  “Okay big fella, see that symbol we drew on the ground?  Go stand in it.”

 

Dean looked beyond the library table and saw an unfamiliar symbol painted on the floor.  He turned to face Cas and squeezed his hand.  He then dropped it and moved to stand in the circle.  Before he made it more than a few steps, Castiel reached out and grabbed his shoulder, turning him back around.

 

“If anything happens with the spell if…if something goes wrong,” Cas started to speak, unsure of what he wanted to say.

 

“I know,” Dean said simply.  “But it’s okay Cas, it’s gonna be fine.  Trust me.”

 

Castiel grabbed Dean’s face and kissed him.  There was strength behind the kiss, filled with promises that Castiel needed to make.  Promises of a future for the two of them.  “Don’t leave me now,” Castiel said.

 

“I wouldn’t dare,” Dean said smiling.  He gave Castiel another quick kiss, chaste and light, before walking into the symbol on the bunker floor.  “Let’s get this ritual on the road.  What do I have to do?  Sacrifice a virgin?  Drink the blood of a goat?”  Dean winked at Castiel.

 

“Nope, nothing that dramatic,” Sam said, picking up a metal bowl from the table.  He held it in front of Charlie, who popped open the necklace and started to pour the grace into the mixture.  The bowl took on a faint glow and Castiel could hear a slight popping sound coming from within.

 

“Okay, now, we have to use this to paint some symbols on your hands,” Sam said, walking the bowl over to Dean.  Charlie grabbed a weathered old tome and a small brush from the table and followed.  She dipped the brush into the mixture and swirled it around.  Dean held his hands up in front of himself.

 

“You should open a tattoo shop after this Charlie.  I bet the chicks would dig it if you had some ink,” Dean said.  Castiel rolled his eyes.

 

“Shut up Dean, I need to concentrate,” Charlie snapped.  She held the brush up to his hands, and started to paint small lines on to his skin.  The lines were intricate and had tiny swirls and circles dispersed throughout the pattern.  The mixture was the color of angelic grace, and Dean’s eyes were stuck on the glowing markings now making their way up his hand and just beyond his wrist.

 

“Okay, now the other hand,” Charlie said, dipping the brush again and drawing the same symbols on Dean’s other hand.  When she was finished, she took a step back and sighed.  “Now we just need to recite the words.”

 

“Cas, the spell is in Enochian.  It might work better if someone read it who knows the language,” Sam said.  Castiel almost commented on Hannah’s presence, but stopped himself because he knew he wanted to be the one to complete the spell. 

 

“Here, it’s this passage.”  Charlie handed the tome to Castiel and pointed at a highlighted paragraph just below the picture of the markings. 

 

“Alright, ready Dean?” Castiel asked, holding the tome in his hands and facing Dean.

 

“Yeah, let’s get this crappy henna off of me already.”

 

Castiel started reading the Enochian passage aloud.  He knew that nobody else but Hannah could understand it, but he found it strangely beautiful and hoped to read it to Dean in English. 

 

_Bodies torn and bodies scarred,_

_Touched by hellfire and sin._

_Wash away all impurities,_

_Restore your body anew._

_Demons bite and claw,_

_Pulling you towards the abyss._

_Reach out and grasp my hand,_

_Let the light overtake you._

_Time is an enemy and also a friend,_

_Let these words bring you back._

_Heaven’s wrath purge this darkness,_

_Let my voice carry you home._

As Castiel finished reading the spell, the markings on Dean’s hands glowed even brighter until the light enveloped his whole body.  Dean kept his eyes locked with Castiel’s the whole time, seeking comfort and reassurance.  He watched Dean closely, his grip tightening on the tome. 

 

 _“What if this doesn’t work?  What if Dean dies here and the last thing he hears is my voice reading the words that killed him?”_ Castiel thought, frozen in place from fear.

 

The light stretched out from Dean’s limbs, like it was trying to escape the man’s body.  It thrashed and fought against itself, but Dean stood completely still.  As it moved faster, Dean’s face became blurred under the light. 

 

“Dean!” Sam yelled, clearly just as worried as Castiel.

 

Without warning, the light calmed and Dean stood in front of them with a thin sheet of light wrapped around him.  He looked around at his friends and his jaw dropped.

 

“Holy shit.  You guys are glowing.  I mean, your chests I can…I can see your souls,” Dean said, breathless.  His eyes locked on Cas and his face broke out into an enormous smile.  “Cas, you have a soul too.  It’s so fucking beautiful man.”

 

Castiel felt warm tears filling up the corners of his eyes as Dean spoke.  He broke his silence by laughing, and the tears fell freely.  He didn’t realize it until this moment, but he was worried that he didn’t have a soul.  He wasn’t very familiar with fallen angels, and he had not even thought to ask Hannah what she saw.

 

“It must be the grace.  It has taken root inside you.  The spell should be complete soon,” Hannah said calmly.

 

As if waiting for Hannah to explain, the light surrounding Dean gathered up in his chest and then shot up to his eyes.  Pouring out from his open eyes, the light turned into smoke as it flew up into the bunker’s ceiling.  Once it had all left Dean, it circled in upon itself and formed a small cloud-like shape.  It shook several times before exploding into a burst of light; a light blue firework that lit up the bunker for only a split second.  Then, the room was silent and all traces of the spell were gone.

 

“Did it work?” Charlie asked.

 

Dean looked down at his clean hands, and then quickly tore off his flannel.  He grabbed his bare arm where the Mark of Cain once housed itself.  There was nothing but flesh, smooth and unscarred.  Dean held his arm and dropped to his knees.  He laughed, but there were tears falling down his cheeks.

 

Castiel rushed forward and dropped to the floor next to Dean.  He grabbed the man into his arms and held him as they both cried happy tears.

 

“I never thought I would get rid of that mark.  I really didn’t,” Dean said in between laughing and crying.  “I thought that was it for me, Cas.  I thought it was going to consume me and turn me into a fucking monster, but it’s gone.  It’s really fucking gone.”

 

“I never would have let that happen.”  Castiel rubbed his hand in circles over Dean’s back. 

 

“I didn’t even know how much that thing was affecting me until now.  Fuck, my head feels so clear,” Dean said.  His hands grabbed onto Castiel’s sleeves and gripped the fabric tight.  “Thank you so fucking much, all of you.  None of you had to help but-”

 

“Shut the fuck up man,” Sam said.  When Castiel turned his head to look, he saw Sam had tears in his eyes too.  Sam joined them on the floor and wrapped his giant arms around them both.  “I have my brother back.” 

 

There was another weight suddenly added to the group as Charlie dropped herself onto the floor behind Dean and hugged him.  The three of them covered Dean from all sides and held on tight, unwilling to let the moment go.

 

“Get it through that thick skull of yours dumbass, we all love you so much,” Charlie said, laughing.

 

Castiel took a moment to look up at Hannah, who was smiling but standing awkwardly at the table.

 

“I should leave.  I just wanted to ensure that the spell went correctly,” Hannah said, looking down at her feet.

 

“Hannah,” Dean said, “Thank you.  Seriously.  And anytime you want to stop by and see Cas, and the rest of us, you’re more than welcome.”

 

“I’ll be sure to come by now and then.”  Hannah smiled and nodded.  Then, there was a gust of wind and the sound of wings as Hannah disappeared from view.

 

The four of them went back to their hug, and nobody spoke for a few minutes.  All of their worry finally released, they all seemed content to rest in the comfort of each other.  Castiel was exhausted, and he hadn’t even realized it before now.  His mind had been preoccupied.

 

“This might not be an appropriate time to bring this up, but since we’re all in a good mood,” Charlie finally broke the silence.  “Is your sister single Cas?”

 

“Charlie no,” Sam said sternly.

 

“Charlie yes!  What, Dean’s the only Winchester allowed to get some holy action?”

 

The whole group erupted into laughter, and their hug fell apart as they all laid down on the cold floor.  The laughter lasted for a few seconds until it stopped, and then there was silence.  Castiel let out a content sigh, and Dean reached over and grabbed his hand.  He turned his head towards Dean and they stared into one another’s eyes.  Castiel smiled, as did Dean, and the two were lost in each other.

 

“Man, the Mark of Cain was such a big part of our lives.  What do we do now?” Sam asked.

 

“Same thing we do every night Pinky-” Dean started.

 

“Stop,” Sam quickly interrupted.

 

“I say we start with some bacon cheeseburgers and apple pie to celebrate,” Charlie said, throwing her hands up in the air.

 

Sam stood up and then reached for Charlie’s hand, helping her to her feet. 

 

“Let’s give these two a couple minutes and then we’ll head out.  I’m sure Dean can sniff us out a diner in the nearby area.”  Sam left the library down the hall with Charlie right on his heels.

 

Dean and Castiel had not broken eye contact, but when Sam and Charlie left the room, Castiel closed the gap and dragged Dean into a long and desperate kiss.  He ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and Dean placed a hand on his face.  When the two parted, Dean ran his hand down the side of Castiel’s face and let it rest on his chest.

 

“Move into my room,” Dean said abruptly.  “I don’t think I can physically let you out of my sight ever again Cas, and I’m not eager to test the theory.”

 

Castiel nodded in agreement, and covered Dean’s hand on his chest with his own.

 

“I never thought we’d make it here,” he said.

 

“What, on the floor of the bunker?” Dean asked with a lopsided grin.

 

“You’re insufferable.”

 

“Yeah, but you love it.”

 

“I really, really do.”

 

“Hey losers, get the hell off the floor and get your asses in the car.  Your Queen wants a cheeseburger,” Charlie said from the doorway to the hall.  She had a large coat wrapped around her and a playful smile on her face.

 

The two men lifted themselves off of the floor in time to see Sam walk back into the library behind Charlie.  The group started to head towards the stairs before Dean cleared his throat.

 

“Hey guys, before we go.  I just wanted to say thank you again.  For the last several months, I’ve had a hard time remembering who I really am,” Dean said, looking down at the ground and shuffling his feet.  “But uh, you three have really helped me.  I mean, what I mean to say is that what I am is…you guys make me who I am.  If you had told me two weeks ago that tonight I’d be going out for burgers mark-free with my brother, sister, and the love of my fucking life...well there would have been a lot of scowling followed by laughing.  But uh, I’m happy to be this surprised.  I’m glad you all pulled me back from that edge.  I uh, I…you know.  I love you guys and stuff.”

 

Castiel stepped forward and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder.  He smiled and shook his head.

 

“That was very beautiful Dean, and you know we all feel the same way about you,” Castiel said, reassuring Dean with a squeeze of his hand.  “But if we don’t get into the Impala and get to that diner now I’m not going to buy you an entire apple pie like I planned.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened and he laughed.  “Alright then, that’s enough chick flick moments for one night!  Let’s go be fat-asses!”

 

The four of them laughed, and it echoed off the ceilings and walls of the bunker.  As they ascended the staircase together, Castiel reflected on his family.  The word used to be reserved for his fellow angels, but over the years it came to include Sam, Dean, and even Bobby.  Now it had grown even further.  Charlie and Claire were both very much his family now, and he knew the list would only grow from there.  What they had wasn’t perfect, but Castiel couldn’t imagine it being any better than it already was.  He thought about other Dean and Castiel, in the other universe where they shared their feelings much earlier.  They were lucky, but so was he.  Even though he was human, and there were undoubtedly many trials and troubles ahead in his future, he knew that with his family by his side he could face any obstacle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Almost done with this! The last chapter is just going to be an epilogue-style piece of sugary fluff and crap like that. The meaty parts of the plot are over, but there are just a couple fun small things I wanted to write into the last chapter. Should be posted relatively soon. Thanks for reading guys!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: this final chapter is really somewhat of an epilogue and is pure, dangerous fluff. Seriously, avoid this chapter if you have an aversion to happiness and pure sugary fucking cotton candy in written form. It's that bad, I promise.

Dean had been free of the mark for two months.  He had become so familiar with its influence over him that the clarity from having it removed was jarring.  His body and soul both felt new, and he was overflowing with excess energy.  When Sam started to complain about Dean being too obnoxious, he decided to channel that energy into hunting and helping Cas fall into his new life as a human. 

 

Cas took to humanity pretty quickly, with Dean’s help, and he had already developed his own preferences and quirks.  Dean was eager to learn all about these new things Cas was discovering about himself.  One thing in particular that Cas had taken a liking to was music.  At first it was just classical musicians, but he quickly branched out to other genres (classic rock included, much to Dean’s approval).  He told Dean that music was helping him transition from the angelic chorus that used to constantly be playing in his head to the silence of humanity.  Dean tried to help as well by whispering random stories and facts into Cas’ ear at night when neither of them could fall asleep.

 

That was something new as well.  Dean had shared beds with plenty of people in his lifetime, but none of them meant the same as Cas.  With Cas, there was a comfort and security that Dean had never felt before.  When he shared his bed with Cas, he felt his guard dropping and his mind going at ease.  To some degree, this worried Dean.  They both still suffered the occasional nightmare, but the fear was soon forgotten when the other would wrap them up in their arms and soothe the dreams away.  Dean wasn’t sure how he ever let himself live without this in his life for so long.

 

  
The bunker became more vibrant and full of life than ever before.  Charlie and Cas moved in full time, both helping out with hunts and research.  Claire basically lived in the bunker as well, but she would still disappear for a few days at a time when she needed her space.  Jody and Alex were also common sights around the bunker, and Claire and Alex had formed a tentative friendship.  Hannah had even started making appearances more often, partly to visit but also to give the group any new information related to heaven and hell.  Dean found it strange.  For so long it had felt like it was always going to be him and Sam against the world.  Now they had a much bigger family, and for the first time in possibly forever, Dean knew things would be okay.  They wouldn’t be perfect, their lifestyle did not have room for perfect, but they would be okay.  And that was more than enough for Dean.

 

Dean rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the loud noise down the hall.  Cas had developed a habit of digging through some of the old storage rooms in the bunker.  He told Dean that organizing and cataloguing all of the artifacts and trinkets in the bunker could prove useful in the future.  Dean agreed, and often found himself helping Cas, but took extra precaution after an interesting day the week before when Cas had touched an ancient relic that left him with a 24 hour long curse.  It was nothing lethal, and in hindsight Dean found it hilarious, but he knew there were worse things lying in wait and he wanted to be there to make sure Cas stayed out of trouble.

 

“Cas!” Dean yelled.  There was no response.  “Hey Cas! Marco!”  Dean got closer to the room where all the noise was coming from, and knocked on the door twice before opening it.  “Housekeeping!”

 

“You don’t look like any hotel service staff I’ve ever seen, and I thought Marco Polo was a game played in pools,” Cas deadpanned, not even turning around to address Dean.  He was digging through boxes scattered across the floor.  Everything seemed to be coated in thick layers of dust, and Dean winched at the thought of the amount of hand sanitizer he would need to use when he got back upstairs.

 

“I’m fighting every part of my being that is telling me to make a French maid outfit joke,” Dean said, walking all the way into the room and standing behind Cas.  The former angel seemed unusually focused, even tense.  “Why are you so committed to archiving this crap anyways, man?”

 

“It’s not _crap_ , Dean.  These are ancient artifacts and objects collected by the Men of Letters that could prove very useful to us in the future and everybody else is typically preoccupied with another task, and if I’m no longer going to be as useful as I was before than I need to be able and make up for that loss by being useful elsewhere and since my memory has begun failing me I need to-”

 

Dean interrupted Cas by grabbing his shoulder and crouching down to his level.  Dean’s thoughts were running a mile a minute about what that could possibly mean.

 

“Cas, what do you mean your memory is failing you?  Talk to me man.”

 

Cas sighed and dropped the small urn he was holding.  He looked up at Dean, and Dean saw raw sadness in his eyes.  He hadn’t seen Cas look like that in a long time.

 

“I’m losing them Dean.  Not all of them, but a lot of them.  I’m losing the memories that fall outside of a normal human’s perception.  I was there when God created mankind.  I know I was.  But now, I can only see it the same way you can, as a story.  I had a perfect memory before, images and sounds and words all came together to recreate those moments as if I could relive them any time I chose.  Now…they are all just words,” Cas said, worried and tired.  Dean could tell he had been holding this in.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Cas?” Dean asked, his voice soft and forgiving.  “Remember what we said?  No more secrets.”

 

“I know Dean, and I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to tell you because I thought I could fix it.  I thought that if I could figure out a way to make up for it, I could still retain my usefulness.”  Cas weaved his fingers together and twisted them nervously.  “I just want to help.”

 

“Cas,” Dean said, voice low and commanding.  “Don’t you dare think for a second that you’re not helping.  And not only that, it doesn’t matter if you’re useful or not!  Don’t get me wrong, you definitely are, but that’s not why we keep you around Cas!  Everyone here cares about you.  Not because of what you can do, but because of who you are.”

 

“I am so used to having a goal, or a purpose.”  Cas looked down at his hands.

 

“Your goal is to live.  Be happy.  Let me make you happy.  Live your life with me and be happy idiots for the rest of our lives,” Dean said, grabbing Cas’ hands.

 

“That sounds an awful lot like a marriage proposal,” said Cas.

 

“Yeah well,” Dean huffed.  “We’ll talk more about that later.  Right now, we’re gonna go upstairs and continue your musical education.”  Dean stood up and pulled Cas with him, still holding onto his hands.

 

“What about these objects?” Cas asked, looking around at the things scattered all over the floor.

 

“Leave ‘em,” Dean said, smiling.  “We’ll bring everyone down here soon and knock this out together.”

 

“Thank you, Dean.”

 

 

\-----

 

 

“This is very nice,” Cas said, nodding his head along to the music.  He was sitting in an old chair in the library next to Dean, who was searching for different songs online to play for him.  Dean was taking the opportunity to shove some good music down Cas’ throat, and he was still surprised to see how much Cas actually enjoyed classic rock.

 

“This is AC/DC Cas,” Dean said as the chorus of ‘Shoot to Thrill’ played through the computer’s small speakers.  “Sounds better in the Impala though of course.”

 

“Oh, but of course,” Cas said with a knowing smile.  He leaned in to get a better view of the laptop and rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “I was wondering, Dean, if you would be willing to teach me how to dance.”

 

“Uh, what?”  Dean asked, caught off guard by the question.  “Why do you want to learn how to dance?”

 

“Well, I like music.  And dancing is another way to relate to music.  It’s just another aspect of humanity that I would like to understand better,” said Cas, shrugging.

 

“Well, you’re out of luck on that one, Cas.  I don’t know how to dance.  Sorry man,” Dean said in response.  He felt guilty.  He knew it was something fairly trivial, but so far he had been able to teach Cas everything he had wanted to know about humanity.  Now that Cas was curious about something completely foreign to Dean, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad.  Cas clearly noticed Dean’s reaction.

 

“It’s okay Dean, really.”  Cas squeezed Dean’s shoulder and then leaned back into his chair.  Cas held a long, studious gaze on Dean's face.  Dean knew that Cas most likely couldn't see his soul anymore, but sometimes he thought that Cas was still looking.  “I know you always say you’re fine, but humor me.  How are you?  It’s been a little over two months now you know.”

 

Dean shifted in his chair and nodded.  “Yeah, I know.  I’ve been counting the days.  I keep thinking it’s going to come back.  Like all of this is a dream and I’m going to wake up one morning and find it burned back into my arm again.”  Dean sighed, twisted to face Cas, and smiled.  “But honestly?  I’m fine.  I know I say that a lot, but I honestly mean it this time.  If a little anxiety is all I have to worry about, I consider myself lucky, man.  We’ve got a pretty great set up now."

 

Cas looked around the room as if surveying his surroundings.  “It is pretty exceptional.  We are very lucky.”  Cas lightly kicked his foot against Dean’s as he spoke.  “You know, it occurs to me that I am going to age.  I am going to grow old and die.”

 

Dean swallowed his concerns.  He wanted to wait for Cas to finish before he interrupted with any of his speeches or platitudes.  He learned quickly that Cas usually worked his way towards a point.

 

“But none of that frightens me, because I have you.  Sure, I might get old and gray.  But so will you.  And when one of us dies, the other won’t be far behind to join him in heaven,” said Cas.

 

Dean ran one of his hands through his hair and laughed quietly.  “Cas, that’s some heavy shit man.  I mean, you sure you won’t get tired of me after all that time?” Dean asked, looking up at Cas’ open face and grinning.

 

Cas grabbed Dean’s sleeve and rolled it up over his shoulder.  The handprint that had been burned into Dean’s flesh by Cas’ own hand had returned, thanks to the spell, and Cas liked to remind Dean regularly what it meant.  He placed his hand over the mark.

 

“Trust me, I’m pretty fond of you,” Cas said, keeping his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “And if you think time or a bit of gray hair is ever going to make me feel otherwise, then you are way more fucking stupid than I thought.”

 

“Cas!  A swear!” Dean faked shock, taking Cas’ face into his hands and kissing him.  “Humanity sounds good on you, I have to admit.”

 

“Humanity has nothing to do with it.  It’s your bad influence that’s to blame,” said Cas, rolling Dean’s sleeve back down.

 

“I think you mean great influence,” Dean said, flashing Cas a cheeky smile.  “Also, I’ve been meaning to ask.  This handprint isn’t some kind of weird angel ritual thing right?  Are we like soul-bonded for all of eternity?  Or is there some residual grace inside that handprint that’s going to make my eyes bug out and give me angel powers or something?”

 

Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean on the cheek.  Before he pulled back, he whispered into Dean’s ear.  “Just think of it as a way for an angel to mark his territory.” 

 

Dean’s eyes were wide and his jaw dropped nearly to the floor as Cas pushed his chair back and stood up.

 

“You are a menace to society and you must be stopped,” Dean said, hurrying out of his chair and following Cas into the kitchen.  It was Cas’ turn to make dinner for everyone, which Dean knew meant it was actually his turn.  They needed to start earlier, with all the extra people that had started calling the bunker home, not to mention Claire’s appetite rivaling Dean’s. 

 

 

\-----

 

 

Dean threw the Impala into park, and reached into the backseat for the paper grocery bag.  He swung his legs out of the car and shut the door behind him.  As he walked up to the bunker door, he couldn’t help but reflect on how ridiculous his situation was.  Dean Winchester was a badass hunter extraordinaire, the righteous man, feared terror of purgatory, previous bearer of the Mark of Cain, and not to mention former demon.  But apparently even Dean Winchester takes trips to the grocery store for his boyfriend because they were all out of the right coffee creamer and other assorted crap.  Yeah, Dean’s life had taken a strangely domestic turn.

 

He opened the bunker door and pulled it shut behind him as the warmth of the bunker hit him.  When he turned to walk down the stairs, he noticed something off about the living room.  The furniture had been pushed up against the walls, and near the edge of the room by the table was an old record player that Dean had never seen before.  Curious, he walked down the stairs and dropped the grocery bag on the table before inspecting the record player.

 

“Guys, this is great!” Dean yelled at whoever was close enough to hear.  He ran his finger along the edge.  It had been recently cleaned.

 

“Yes, I thought so too,” Cas said.  He was leaning against the doorway to the hall.  “I found some old records as well.”  Cas walked over to the shelf and pulled one record off.  He slipped it out of the sleeve and walked it over to the record player.  Dean watched him place it on the machine and press the needle down. 

 

“I thought, since neither of us know how to dance, we could try and learn together,” Cas said, holding his hand out to Dean.  “It will be a new part of humanity for us both I suppose.”

 

Dean thought back over the moments in his life that he could classify as ‘the happiest’.  With Cas standing in front of him, hand outstretched for the taking and a Frank Sinatra song starting to play, he knew this would be a top contender.  He grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him into the center of the living room.  He placed his other hand on Cas’ hip, and pushed Cas’ hand to his shoulder.

 

_Someday, when I’m awfully low_

_When the world is cold_

_I will feel a glow just thinking of you_

_And the way you look tonight_

 

Dean and Cas both made a heroic effort to attempt some sort of weird faux-ballroom dancing, but it was mostly a mess of tangled feet and laughter.  The two men were all smiles, content just to be in one another’s company.

 

_You’re lovely, with your smile so warm_

_And your cheeks so soft_

_There is nothing for me but to love you_

_And the way you look tonight_

Dean quickly grew tired of stepping on Cas’ feet, so he pulled the other man up against him and held him close.  Then, he started to sway and dance in a circle slowly.  Cas lowered his head onto Dean’s shoulder.

 

_With each word your tenderness grows_

_Tearing my fears apart_

_And that laugh, that wrinkles your nose_

_It touches my foolish heart_

_Lovely, never ever change_

_Keep that breathless charm_

_Won’t you please arrange it?_

_‘Cause I love you_

_Just the way you look tonight_

The two of them developed a good rythym, their movements slow and careful.  The bunker’s lights were dimmed, the smell of dinner wafted in from the kitchen, and Dean and Cas were alone in their own pocket universe.  In that moment, in every moment since the barn, there was no other Dean and Cas who had it good or better than they did.  What could they have that Dean and Cas hadn’t already found?

 

As the song continued, Dean started to sing along softly in Cas’ ear.

 

 _“With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fears apart.  And that laugh, that wrinkles your nose.  It touches my foolish heart.  Lovely, don’t you ever change, keep that breathless charm.  Won’t you please arrange it?  ‘Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight._ _Just the way you look tonight_.”

When the song ended, the two men stopped swaying, but stayed wrapped up in each other’s warmth.  Dean brought one of his hands up to Cas’ back and started to rub small, soft circles.

 

“I would give anything to stay in this moment, right here, forever” he said, still gently massaging Cas’ back.

 

Cas sighed happily.  “We don’t have to stay in this moment.  We’re going to have plenty of moments like this.  Why have one when you can have millions?” Cas said, burrowing his face deeper into the crook of Dean’s neck.

 

“You know, when I was little I remember some of the stuff my mom used to say to me,” Dean said quietly, like he was telling Cas a secret.  “She would always say that angels were watching over me.  When she died, that was one of the reasons I stopped believing in them.  When you wrote that in your letter I thought…I heard her saying those words again.  And of course, she was right in the end.”  Dean laughed.

 

“She must have been a very wise woman,” Cas said.

 

“She was.  You would have liked her Cas, and she would have loved you.  Shit, she would have spoiled you.”

 

“Well now it’s my turn to spoil you.  I made you a pie,” Cas said proudly.

 

Dean was silent for a few moments.  “Uhh…you sure you didn’t buy it or…”

 

“Jackass,” Cas smacked him on the arm.  “Charlie helped me, if that makes you feel any better.”

 

“Hey, I’m just kidding Cas I’m sure it will taste awesome,” Dean said playfully, rubbing Cas’ arm.  “How did I get so fucking lucky enough to love someone willing to learn to bake me pies?  Destiny?  That’s gotta be it, we must be soul mates or something, man.”

 

Cas stared into Dean’s eyes and shook his head.

 

“No Dean, not destiny.  It was always free will.  We chose each other, and fought like hell to be able to hold each other like we are now.  There was nothing predetermined.  We found each other, and we will always find each other.”

 

Cas placed his hands on either side of Dean’s face and pulled him into a kiss.  Dean had experienced plenty of kisses in his life, and all of them combined could never hold their own against even one with Cas.  But in that moment, that kiss held promises and whispers of things to come.  Of family road trips in the Impala, of Claire’s high school graduation, of late night movies on the couch, of visiting Sam at college, of more dances to Frank Sinatra, of hot cocoa on Christmas Eve, of birthdays and LARPing, and long hikes, and hogging the blankets, and laughing in the rain, and sharing a milkshake, and cheeseburgers from the best local diner.  But louder and far more clear than anything else the kiss whispered into Dean’s subconscious was the thought of Cas, forever.  Cas, always.  No alternate universes or apocalypses or final moments.  Dean and Cas, together, for eternity and all that lies beyond it.

 

“Yeah.  Eternally yours, Cas.”

 

“Eternally yours, Dean.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the excessive amounts of maple syrupy chocolate covered fluff. This was supposed to be so much more angst filled, what is wrong with me. It ended up about twice as long as I had originally planned, but I'm pretty happy with it! Let me know what you think! After this, I'm going to work on a longer AU story, so keep a lookout for that if you thought my writing wasn't complete shit.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! I know it's not much, but I'm trying to get back into writing again and fanfiction is a great place to start. I hope you enjoyed it! You guys are awesome, and rad as all hell.
> 
> Anyways, thanks again! Hope you all have a kickass day/night and keep on keepin on.
> 
> \- ECDW


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